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“I’m okay, Miller Look at me” I look up at hiame”

“I know,” he whispers He presses his lips flat as one tears drip down his cheeks He rubs a hand into his hair “I’m sorry”

“No, I’m sorry Don’t be sorry It’s probably sad if it’s a new story to you You should be happy you can feel sad”

I look back down as he breathes deep and heavy I think of hi Josh Miller I feel bad for fucking up that chill vibe Even if it only lasts an hour, and afterward he doesn’t want to seehim this terrible shit

“I was locked up in my room for three days The next tiry, and he said I’d have to tell hiing Riley That the progra minors And Miller…” My voice is a whispered rasp as I lift ain as I tell him, “I don’t even knohy Stubbornness? Paul went on this tirade about how ripped

“He said homophobic shit, and he said shit about Riley Shit thatwith her So I went at him A stupid move Paul called for backup, and so And I woke up in the closet” Deep breath “The supply one in my room, where they kept all thedidn’t have a doorknob on the inside It was small, like smaller than a handicapped stall in a bathroom There wereNeedles Bandages There was sos of saline And a sheet And I would lie on the sheet”

Tears are sliding down my cheeks, and I don’t like it But I can’t help it And I can’t look at him “For the first stretch of ti trapped I would go fucking insane, trying to get out I thought I could break the door down But I couldn’t”

God, the way , PTSD

“Paul was fucked up Sh He made me wait four days for food, two days for water, and he had it brought by souess they were They would shock , so I try to breathe deep “And then they’d leave the food or water,” I add thinly “Paul waited a while to come in When he did, he would have the shock stick they used It was milder than a Taser But he’d press it to your skin, and that would burn”

I shut

“Angel—“

“I asked for a light And so he put a red light in there Red like hell He told me if I wrote ‘I have no more wrath’ over and over, until it filled the walls, then I could get out” I shake my head “But I didn’t even try I laid down, and I tried to ht food and water, it was easier for me to zone out One day—” I s hard, because this is hard to say “One day, I realized I couldn’t stand up Like s just…didn’t work They were too weak and shaky”

Hehis hand overmove between us It’s like a little burst of warive him a smile, but my mouth just trembles

“You would have thought I’d have done ht I would die in there It had been weeks, I think…by that point So I stopped eating food,” I say in a flat whisper His hand feels so solid on my knee I tell myself to focus on that Focus that we’re here, in this room and not that one

“I guess it was like a hunger strike I was so weak, I couldn’t really drink, so Paul sent nurses in to start an IV They set up a whole thing in there This whole…torture chamber with me And I couldn’t move by then My eyes were blurry and I didn’t understand tiht I prayed so hard my mom would co that I’