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I lift a shoulder, holding his eyes for a second—I see that they’re filled with tears—but then I have to look back down “So…” Deep breath “That went on for a while For me, I think like a month? And they’d just…jerk you off A bunch of woave us—I think it was a ive you a boner Sotheir mouth”

I can’t resist a lance at Josh’s face, which I find slack with shock

“Yeah, I know It’s rape, but these people didn’t see it that way They got paid well, so I think the place attracted sadists who could do whatever they wanted, off the grid All the prograht kid to its parents They really thought they could re-program us That was the point of the first part, in the cabins They made sure one of the two partners was bi, if possible And then they’d try to bond us with survival stuff Reet lonely, scared and all And then before you left, they’d tell you that the two of you would—” I look back up, waving my hand “You know”

Josh looks stricken

“Fuck” I say it loud and crisp “If you could fuck, then you were cured Cause everybody knows to be a functional adult, you need to keep your dick hard for sex with soht?” I frown at his shocked face, feeling nulib?”

“No” It’s a soft whisper

“Have you heard enough, Josh? It’s a good time for a break You wanna pour a drink?” I ask him

“No,” he murmurs

I bite the inside of h to taste blood “No one wants to hear this shit Even I wouldn’t So it’s okay if you want me to stop I could explain my memory problems in just a few sentences if—”

“No, Ez” He scoots closer, so his knees are al” His face is so soft and gentle Even his voice is so soft, as if he’s speaking to a wounded animal “Can I touch you?” he whispers “Do you want me not to?”

I can barely choke out, “Not to” I close my eyes, and he says, “Sorry”