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atment which saved Kate, that didn't involve the use of Anna's body?"

Brian shakes his head "I' to die But Sara, she didn't give up on Kate and she ca" He looks over at his wife "And now, Kate's kidneys are giving out I don't want to see her suffering But at the same time, I don't want to make the same mistake twice I don't want to tell myself it's over, when it doesn't have to be"

Brian has becolass house I have been erald, did you know your daughter was going to file a lawsuit against you and your wife?"

"No"

"When she did, did you speak to Anna about it?"

"Yes"

"Based on that conversation, Mr Fitzgerald, what did you do?"

"I moved out of the house with Anna"

"Why?"

"At the tiht to think this decision out, which wasn't so in our house"

"After having ths about why she's initiated this lawsuit--do you agree with your wife's request to have Anna continue to be a donor for Kate?"

The anse have rehearsed is no; this is the crux of my case Brian leans forward to reply "Yes, I do," he says

"Mr Fitzgerald, in your opinion" I begin, and then I realize what he's just done "Excuse me?"

"I still wish Anna would donate a kidney," Brian admits

Staring at this witness who has just co If Brian won't support Anna's decision to stop being a donor, then the judge will find it far harder to rule in favor of emancipation

At the same time, I'm patently aware of the smallest sound that has escaped from Anna, the quiet break of soul that comes when you realize that what looked like a rainboas actually only a trick of the light "Mr Fitzgerald, you're willing to have Anna undergo an to benefit Kate?"

It is a curious thing, watching a strong ht answer is here?" Brian asks, his voice raw "Because I don't knohere to look for it I knohat's right I knohat's fair But neither of those apply here I can sit, and I can think about it, and I can tell you what should be and what ought to be I can even tell you there's got to be a better solution But it's been thirteen years, Mr Alexander, and I still haven't found it"

He slowly sinks forward, too big in that tiny space, until his forehead rests on the cool bar of wood that borders the witness stand

Judge DeSalvo calls for a ten-in her cross-examination, so that the witness can have a fewmachines, where you can spend a dollar on weak tea and weaker soup She sits with her heels caught on the rungs of a stool, and when I hand her her cup of hot chocolate she sets it down on the table without drinking

"I've never seen my dad cry," she says "My mom, she would lose it all the time over Kate But Dad--well, if he fell apart, he "

"Anna--"

"Do you think I did that to hi to me "Do you think I shouldn't have asked him to come here today?"

"The judge would have asked him to testify even if you didn't" I shaketo have to do it yourself"

She looks up at me, wary "Do what?"

"Testify"

Anna blinks at ?"

"I thought that the judge would clearly rule in your favor if he saw that your father illing to support your choices But unfortunately, that's not what just happened And I have no idea what Julia's going to say--but even if she coe DeSalvo will still need to be convinced that you're h to make these choices on your own, independent of your parents"

"You et up there? Like a witness?"

I have always known that at some point, Anna would have to take the stand In a case about ee would want to hear fro skittish about testifying, but I believe that subconsciously, it's what she really wants to do Why else go to the trouble of instigating a lawsuit, if not to et to speak your mind?

"You toldagitated

"I rong"

"I hired you so that you could tell everyone what I want"

"It doesn't work that way," I say "You started this lawsuit You wanted to be someone other than the person your family's made you for the past thirteen years And that means you have to pull back the curtain and shoho she is"

"Half the grown-ups on this planet have no idea who they are, but they get to ues

"They aren't thirteen Listen," I say, getting to what I iine is the crux of theyour otten you anywhere But I promise you, this time, when you talk, everyone will listen"

If anything, this has the reverse effect of what I've intended Anna crosses her ar up there," she says

"Anna, being a witness isn't really that big a deal--"

"It is a big deal, Ca it"

"If you don't testify, we lose," I explain

"Then find another way to win You're the lawyer"

I'ers on the table for patience "Do you want to tell ainst this?"

She glances up "No"

"No, you're not doing it? Or no, you won't tell me?"

"There are just so about" Her face hardens "I thought you, of all people, would be able to understand that"

She knows exactly what buttons to push "Sleep on it," I suggest tightly

"I'e my mind"

I stand up and dump my full cup of coffee into the trash "Well then," I tell her "Don't expect e your life"

SARA

Present Day

THERE IS A CURIOUS THING that happens with the passage of tiht hits Brian's face the right way, I can still see the pale blue hue of his eyes that has always made me think of an island ocean I had yet to swim in Beneath the fine lines of his smile, there is the cleft of his chin--the first feature I looked for in the faces of my newborn children There is his resolve, his quiet will, and a steady peace with himself that I have alished would rub off on me These are the base elements that made me fall in love with nize hie isn't always for the worst; the shell that forms around a piece of sand looks to some people like an irritation, and to others, like a pearl

Brian's eyes dart fro at a scab on her thumb, to me He watchesabout this that makes me ache; is this really what he thinks of me?

Does everyone?

I wish there was not a courtroom between us I wish I could walk up to hiht our lives would go; and maybe we cannot find our way out of this alley But there is no one I'd rather be lost with

Listen, I'd say,

"Mrs Fitzgerald," Judge DeSalvo asks, "do you have any questions for the witness?"

It is, I realize, a good term for a spouse What else does a husband or a wife do, but attest to each other's errors in judgment?

I get up slowly from my seat "Hello, Brian," I say, and my voice is not nearly as steady as I would have hoped

"Sara," he answers

Following that exchange, I have no idea what to say

A et away, but couldn't decide where to go So we got into the car and drove, and every half hour we'd let one of the kids pick an exit, or tell us to turn right or left We wound up in Seal Cove, Maine, and then stopped, because Jesse's next direction would have landed us in the Atlantic We rented a cabin with no heat, no electricity--and our three kids afraid of the dark

I do not realize I have been speaking out loud until Brian answers "I know," he says "We put so ht for sure we'd burn the place down It rained for five days"

"And on the sixth day, when the weather cleared, the greenheads were so bad we couldn't even stand to be outside"