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ant to knohy the hell this is in your trash, when you don't do your own laundry and God knows you don't clean, yet there's an eleutted with an explosive made of bleach and brake fluid?" I have hih Jesse could break away if he really tried, he lets me shake him until his head snaps back "Jesus Christ, Jesse!"

He stares at me, his face blank "Are you about done?"

I let hi," I challenge

"I'll tell you more than that," he yells "I mean, I totally understand that you've spent your life believing that everything that's wrong in the universe all traces back to me, but news flash, Dad, this time you're totally off base"

Slowly, I take so out of arette butt settles in the hollow of his pal card"

There is a point when a structure fire is raging out of control that you siive it the distance to burn itself out So you move back to safety, to a hill out of the wind, and you watch the building eat itself alive

Jesse's hand coarette rolls to the floor at our feet He covers his face, presses his thumbs to the corners of his eyes "I couldn't save her" The words are ripped fro backward into the body of a boy "Whowho did you tell?"

He is asking, I realize, whether the police will be co after him Whether I have spoken to Sara about this

He is asking to be punished

So I do what I knoill destroy him: I pull Jesse into my arms as he sobs His back is broader than mine He stands a half-head taller than o froenetic uess this is the proble that if he cannot rescue, he must destroy? And do you blame him, or do you blame the folks who should have told him otherwise?

I will make sure that my son's pyromania ends here and now, but I won't tell the cops or the fire chief about this Maybe that's nepotism, maybe it's stupidity Maybe it's because Jesse isn't all that different fro to know that he could co

Jesse's breathing evens against me, like it used to when he was so small, when I used to carry him upstairs after he'd fallen asleep in my lap He used to hit me over and over with questions: What's a two-inch hose for, a one-inch? How coet to drive? I realize that I cannot re But I do re, as if the loss of a kid's hero worship can ache like a phantom limb

CAMPBELL

DOCTORS HAVE THIS THING ABOUT being subpoenaed: they let you knoith every syllable of every word, that no moment of this testi on the witness stand under duress, patients aiting, people were dying Frankly, it pissesfor a bathroohts and stuffing sentences with pregnant pauses--whatever it takes to keep the their heels just a few seconds more

Dr Chance is no exception to the rule From the onset he's anxious to leave He checks his watch so often you'd think he was about to miss a train The difference this tiet hi, the person who is dying, is Kate

But besideSlowly "Dr Chance, were any of the treats'?"

"Nothing in cancer is a sure thing, Mr Alexander"

"Was that explained to the Fitzgeralds?"

"We carefully explain the risks of every procedure, because once you begin treatments, you co for one treatment successfully may come back to haunt you the next time around" He s woe five, and here she is at sixteen"

"Thanks to her sister," I point out

Dr Chance nods "Not ood fortune to have a perfectly matched donor available to them"

I stand up, eralds caenetic diagnosis team to conceive Anna?"

"After their son was tested and found to be an unsuitable donor for Kate, I told the Fitzgeralds about another fas, and none qualified, but then thethe course of treatment and that child happened to be a perfect match"

"Did you tell the Fitzgeralds to conceive a genetically programmed child to serve as a donor for Kate?"

"Absolutely not," Chance says, affronted "I just explained that even if none of the existing children was a ht not be"

"Did you explain to the Fitzgeralds that this child, as a perfectly genetically programmed match, would have to be available for all these treathout her life?"

"We were talking about a single cord blood treatment at the time," Dr Chance says "Subsequent donations came about because Kate didn't respond to the first one And because they offeredresults"

"So if tomorrow scientists were to come up with a procedure that would cure Kate's cancer if Anna only cut off her head and gave it to her sister, would you recommend that?"

"Obviously not I would never recommend a treatment that risked another child's life"

"Isn't that what you've done for the past thirteen years?"

His face tightens "None of the treat-term harm to Anna"

I take a piece of paper out of e, and then to Dr Chance "Can you read the part that's marked?"

He puts on a pair of glasses and clears his throat "I understand that anesthesia involves potential risks These risksreactions, sore throat, injury to teeth and dental work, dae to vocal cords, respiratory problems, minor pain and discoic reaction, awareness during general anesthesia, jaundice, bleeding, nerve injury, blood clot, heart attack, brain dae, and even loss of bodily function or of life"

"Are you familiar with this form, Doctor?"

"Yes It's a standard consent forical procedure"

"Can you tell us who the patient receiving it was?"

"Anna Fitzgerald"

"And who signed the consent form?"

"Sara Fitzgerald"

I rock back on my heels "Dr Chance, anesthesia carries a risk of life i-term effects"

"That's exactly e have a consent form It's to protect us from people like you," he says "But realistically, the risk is extre marrow is fairly simple"

"Why was Anna being anesthetized for such a simple procedure?"

"It's less traumatic for a child, and they're less likely to squirm around"

"And after the procedure, did Anna experience any pain?"

"Maybe a little," Dr Chance says

"You don't remember?"

"It's been a long tiotten about it by now"

"You think?" I turn to Anna "Should we ask her?"

Judge DeSalvo crosses his arms

"Speaking of risk," I continue smoothly "Can you tell us about the research that's been done on the long-terrowth factor shots she's taken twice now, prior to harvest for transplant?"

"Theoretically, there shouldn't be any long-term sequelae"

"Theoretically," I repeat "Why theoretically?"

"Because the research has been done on lab ani tracked"

"How co"

He shrugs "Physicians don't tend to prescribe drugs that have the potential to wreak havoc"

"Have you ever heard of thalidomide, Doctor?" I ask

"Of course In fact, recently, it's been resurrected for cancer research"

"And it was aonce before," I point out "With catastrophic effects Speaking of whichthis kidney donation--are there risks associated with the procedure?"

"No eries," Dr Chance says

"Could Anna die froery?"

"It's highly unlikely, Mr Alexander"

"Well, then, let's assu colors Hoill having a single kidney affect her for the rest of her life?"

"It won't, really," the doctor says "That's the beauty of it"

I hand hiy departhted section?"

He slips on his glasses again "Increased chance of hypertension Possible colances up "Donors are advised to refrain fro their re kidney"

I clasp my hands behind my back "Did you know that Anna plays hockey in her free time?"

He turns toward her "No I didn't"

"She's a goalie Has been for years now" I let this sink in "But since this donation is hypothetical, let's concentrate on the ones that have already happened The growth factor shots, the DLI, the stem cells, the lymphocyte donations, the bone marrow--all of these myriad treatments Anna endured--in your expert opinion, Doctor, are you saying that Anna has not undergone any significant medical harm from these procedures?"

"Significant?" He hesitates "No, she has not"

"Has she received any significant benefit from them?"

Dr Chance looks ather sister"

Anna and I are eating lunch upstairs at the courthouse when Julia walks in "Is this a private party?"