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Who was I kidding? Mom was still huddled on the stairs We couldn’t care for ourselves One of the care tearossed in Angry Birds I couldn’t tell him I couldn’t do it

The casualty assistance officer knocked quietly an hour later, and I opened the door April walked Mo her with pillows to keep her upright Her eyes changed focus from the carpet runner to the blank screen of the television deep within the recesses of the armoire She refused to look at any of us I’ what had truly happened Then again, I’ what had really happened, either, but I didn’t have the luxury of going catatonic

"My name is Captain Adam Wilson," he introduced himself He wore Dress Blues just like the notification officers had, but he seened to play I kneould be His frame nearly filled the loveseat across froed the coffee table toward hi the carpet "Did you want solanced at Moot it," a woman from the teaathered a stack of papers fro a minor adjusth a few of his papers until he selected a for the seat on the other side of Mom, closest to Captain Wilson I clutched the black binder I’d gotten out of Mo cabinet, just like Dad had told me before he left "I haven’t told him yet"

"Would you like me to?" Captain Wilson asked softly I briefly considered it Mom was in no state to discuss it with him, and Captain Wilson had probably been trained to deliver inforer alter the universe of an crying again, but Mom sat as still as ever, vacant, not really here with us "I want to give hi as possible before I have to His world is still nor will ever be the same for him" I bit backhe knows just ended So I think I’ll give him just another few minutes" Before I tear him to pieces My skin flushed as new tears cao for a while I needed to get better at pushing them back

Captain Wilson cleared his throat and nodded his head "I can understand that" He explained his role to us, that he would be our guide to Dad’s casualty process He would help us through the paperwork, the cere In a way, he was our handler, sent here to be a buffer between our grief and the United States Army I was thankful for him just as much as I hated his sheer existence

He would be with us until we told hier needed hie of questions began April excused herself, saying she had to lie down There was no doubt in o public on Facebook April was never one to suffer in silence

The questions started, and I opened the black binder Dad’s handwriting was scrawled all over the pages of his will, his life insurance policy, and his last wishes, all the paperwork carefully organized for this exact moment Did we knohere he wanted to be buried? What kind of casket he wanted? Was there anyone anted with us? Was the bank account correct for the life insurance money to be deposited? Did ant to fly to Dover to meet his remains while the ar the ar at that blank television as I found the answers to what he asked No question pulled her fro of her hand, no whisper of her na her back to where I was desperate for her to be It was beco blatantly obvious that I was alone "Is there someone we can call to help htened as he slipped a discreet glance toward my mother I was unsure how many shocked s he’d seen in his career, but Mom was my first

Grams was a day away Because she was Dad’s mom, I knew the army had officially notified her, just as we had been No doubt she was already on her way, but until she got here, there was no one else Mom’s parents were dead Her brother had never been aroundhim in now "There’s just me," I replied "I’ll take responsibility for the decisions until she can"

"Ember?" Gus’s s on?"

I placed Mom’s hand back in her lap It wasn’t like she noticed I was holding it anyway After the deepest breath ever taken, I walked over to my little brother I sat down next to hi we knew in seven-year-old ter really But I had to repeat the one thing we knew for certain "Daddy isn’t co home, Gus"

Little blue eyes filled with tears, and his lower lip began to quiver "Did the bad guys get him?"

"Yes, baby" I pulled hi him back and forth like I had when he was an infant, our parents’ miracle baby I brushed his hair back over his forehead and kissed him