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Tears stung et a word out My water bottle slipped fro water over their shined shoes The younger of the two soldiers started to speak, and I puthim before I softly shut the door

My breath expelled in a quiet sob, and I rested ainst the warm door I had opened the door to a fire, and it was poised to deciht smile on my face as I turned to Gus "Hey, buddy" I stroked my hands over his beautiful, innocent little head I couldn’t stop as cohtstand" In the room furthest from the front door "Why don’t you head up to ry Birds for a bit? It’s not hockey, just grown-up stuff, okay? Play until I coet you"

His eyes lit up, and I forcedwould it be until I saw that in his eyes again? "Cool!" he shouted and raced up the front steps, passing April on his way "See, Ember lets me play with her phone!" he teased as his footsteps raced toward nored her and turned to Mom

I dropped to my knees on the step beneath hers and brushed back her hair "It’s tiave a distorted sh the blur my vision had become

She didn’t respond It took ato She just wasn’there April scooted down the steps, sitting next to Moain and nearly lost it at the pity in the younger soldier’s eyes The older one began to speak "June Howard?"

I shook my head "Eestured behind h the banister railing to rest my hand on her back

He could be wounded Just wounded They came to the door for serious wounds Yeah, just wounded We could handle that

The soldiers nodded "I aan May we come in?"

I nodded He wore the same patch on his shoulder ason the tiles of the entry hall, and shut the door behind them "June Howard, wife of Lieutenant Colonel Justin Howard?" he asked She nodded weakly, but kept her eyes trained on the rug while Captain Vincent ended my world

"The Secretary of the Arret that your husband, Justin, was killed in action in Kandahar, Afghanistan, earlier this , the nineteenth of December He was killed by small arms fire in a Green on Blue incident in the hospital, which is still under investigation The Secretary extends his deepest syic loss"

My hands slid to the railing to keep ht, and s Twenty years as an arht me they had to notify us within a certain nu hio I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t drag the air into s in a world that didn’t havedropped froh every cell inin a sob I couldn’t keep contained April’s screahlieutenant asked "Is there someone we can call for you? Casualty Assistance should be here soon, but until then?"

Casualty My father had been killed Dead Green on Blue He’d been shot by sohani uniform My father was a doctor A doctor! Who the hell shoots a doctor? They had to be wrong Did Dad even carry a weapon?

"Ma’a?

She remained silent, her eyes trained on the pattern of the carpet runner on the stairs, refusing to answer

Unable to answer

Soht of responsibility settled onsoht now because no one else here could "I’ll take care of her until Casualty Assistance arrives," Iover April’s shrieks

"You’re sure?" Captain Vincent asked, concern etching his unfamiliar features

I nodded "They keep a binder, just in case this--" I shoveddown as hard as I could to stop the wail desperate to e in air Why was it so damn hard to breathe? "In case this happens--happened" Dad was a believer that nothing bad happened to prepared people He’d hate to know he’d been wrong

The captain nodded He pulled out a for was correct This was our address, our phone number Those were our names and dates of birth The lieutenant startled "Happy birthday, Decelare "We are so very sorry for your loss Casualty Assistance will be here within the hour, and the care teareed I knew the drill, and what Mo our world shattered

For the next hour, Mom sat silently on the stairs while April wailed on my shoulder This wasn’t real It couldn’t be I couldn’t hold her tight enough to make it stop The care team arrived around the same time April’s cries softened to sniffles I waved them inside Armed with sympathetic eyes and casserole schedules, the three woroup of Dad’s unit took over the tasks that hadn’t been done yet The breakfast dishes were cleared, laundry put in place, the cereal Gus had spilled earlier on the kitchen floor swept I knew they were here to help--they would set here--but I couldn’t help but feel invaded, taken over like ere somehow unable to care for ourselves