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I want so much to find that elusive direction in h it doesn’t It isn’t just Tate either, it’s me too--I just don’t love it the way I wanted to But Tate’s hot-and-cold de at all And now it’s Friday and the eek isn’t even over I have to ith hihttrying to push what happened with Ben aside and concentrate on work, somost of the hen I wasn’t at work

And just as draining has beenisn’t right when they see ht now So every time one of them calls I blurt out a reason I have to rush off the phone Withtheh it all when she called ht and I couldn’t help myself--I broke down and told her a little bit about Ben--just that I had seen hiue and she didn’t pry I thought it would be aard, but it wasn’t As usual she listened and gave support

Peeking through the blinds this et up, but I’edtoo slow I roll out of bed and relocate to the couch The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn draws my attention and I decide to read a little bit more I’ve become obsessed with the boy who isn’t thrilled with his new life of cleanliness, ht and narrow isn’t necessarily for him but who sticks it out for his friend It makes me wonder if Ben somehow relates to this character and that’s why he loves the book so ht knock on hts, but I opt to pretend I’ and a fanore it any longer

"Bell, it’slot"

"Co the lock, I pull it open and see Dahlia’s shining face

Her eyes sweepup?" She sounds concerned She pushes pastin the other I step aside and cross my arms as she heads for the kitchen with determination Today I can tell by the look on her face she’s on athe beauty that’s usually the first thing I notice about her

I follow her "Hi yourself What brings you here on a workday?"

She sets the cups and bag on the counter and pulls out a coffee, squinting to read the side "Do I need a reason to visit?"

I eye her suspiciously "No, I guess not" Although I knohy she’s here

"Well, I’ht" She pauses, handing ar"

I smile and remove the lid Happy to have this delicious treat in ulp "Owthat’s hot"

She laughs "It’s coffee, Bell Of course it’s hot You’re supposed to sip it, not chug it"

"I know but usually the cream makes it cold"

She traipses across the tile floor in her high-heel black boots

"You were saying?"

She shrugs "I don’t remember" She opens a cupboard and takes a plate out--a clear pink glass one "Charlotte’s been to the fleathe plate

"Yep Caroceries, Tupperware, and a few Depression-era pieces"

"It’s beautiful," she says, opening the bag and setting soree

Her eyes meet mine "But you still don’t like it here"

I lift one shoulder in a shrug "It’s fine"

"Bell, move in with River and er stayed with us and it was fine, fun even"

"I appreciate it but I’ll be quitting Tate’s by the end of the year and then I’ll have a lot of tiure out where I want to live And besides, I could never live with my brother"

She scrunches her nose "Why do you say that? He loves you"

"Nothing bad, it’s just hiine the third degree any date I brought hoht be an issue" She takes the plate and her cup over to the sofa and sets thelass surface and I can see what she clearly knows--it is Ben’s favorite book She pulls a leg up and tucks it under her other one Turning toward me, she asks, "So, do you want to talk about it?"

I sit next to her and take a muffin from the plate My eyes search hers as I peel back the paper around it

"I talked to Aerie She says Ben seems withdrawn but refuses to talk about it" She sips her own coffee through the small hole in her lid

"You really should take the cover off It’s much easier to drink"

Her lip curls up "You really should stop avoiding the conversation and your fah as tears prickle my eyes and I can’t hold them back anymore And as aard as the face-to-face conversation will be, I decide to tell her soht Like how I ran into Ben during the suain at his award cereht it How he seemed to care about me How reed with her And finally how he leftalone at the restaurant when I told hi and surprisingly without judgment When I finish she says, "Bell, Ben has always been reactive and a bit of an assle at times and you have to understand that’s who he is Soot it," I say What I don’t tell her is he was out with soht, not because she’d care but because I do

"Hey, listen to ht now, but he’ll come around and when he does I just want you to be happy And if he h in relief that the thought ofthere’s no future with Ben anyway "So you don’t hate ?" I finally ask