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Chapter Thirteen

My first impression is of bein squashed under somethin, such as my daddy hen them bananas fell on him Can’t move, can’t yell, can’t say nothin, can’t do nothin - we is strictly here for the ride Outside, lookin thru the winder, all I can see is blue sky The spaceship is movin out

After a little wile, we sees ease up Major Fritch say we can unbuckle our seatbelts now, an get on bout our bidness, whatever it is She say we is now travelin at a speed of fifteen thousan h, the earth is only a little ball behin us, just like it look in all them pichers fro ole ape, all sour-lookin, an glularin at Major Fritch an me She say o on back there an give hiry an does so of food for the ape an it contain bananas an soet it open an start ruin thru it lookin for somethin that will make the ape happy, an meantime, Major Fritch is on the radio with Houston Groun Control

"Now listen here," she say, "we has got to do somethin bout this ape It ain’t Sue - it is a ht even be violent"

It took a wile for the et back to us, but some feller down there say, "Awe pooh! One ape is jus like any other"

"The hell it is," Major Fritch say "If you was in this little bitty co a different tune"

An after a minute or two a voice come cracklin over the radio, say, "Look, you is ordered not to tell anybody about this, or ill all be -stocks As far as you or anybody else is concerned, that ape is Sue - no s"

Major Fritch look at onna keep that fucker strapped in as long as I’m in here with hiround control there coer"

Actually, after you get used to it, bein in outer space is kind of fun We is without gravity, an so can float all over the spaceship, an the scenery is remarkable - moon an sun, earth an stars I wonder where Jenny Curran is down there, an what she is doin

Aroun an aroun the earth we go Day an night go by ever hour or so an it sort of put a different perspective on things I et back - or should I say if I get back - what then? Go an start up ain? Play in The Cracked Eggs? Do somethin about e

Major Fritch be catchin a wink or two of sleep whenever she can, but when she ain’t sleepin, she is bitchin Crabbin bout the ape, crabbin bout what kind of jackoffs they is down at groun control, crabbin bout she got no place to put on her makeup, crabbin bout me eatin food when it ain’t supper or lunchtiot to eat is Granola bars anyway I don’t want to be coood-lookin woman or at least one that don’t bitch all the time

An furthermore, let me say this: that ape ain’t no dreaive it a banana - okay? It grapped the banana an started peelin it, but then it put the banana down Banana started floatin all aroun the cabin of the spaceship an I got to go find it I give it back to the ape an he start o clean that up Wants attention all the time too Evertime you leave it alone it coether like a set of them wind-up teeth Drive you nuts after a wile

Finally I got out my hare," I think it was An the ape started to calm down a little So I played some more - stuff like "The Yellow Rose of Texas" an "I Dreaht Brown Hair" Ape is lyin there lookin at et there is a tv camera in the spaceship an they is pickin all this up down there at groun control Nex mornin when I wake up somebody hole up a newspaper in front of the camera down in Houston for us to see The headline say, "Idiot Plays Space Music to Soothe Ape" That is the sort of shit I has got to contend with

Anyhow, things are goin along pretty good, but I been noticin that ole Sue is lookin at Major Fritch in a kind of strange way Ever tiet near hirap her or somethin, an she start bitchin at hi Keep your hans to yoursef!" But ole Sue has got somethin inbefore I find out what it is I have gone behin this little partition to take a pee in a jar in private, when all of a sudden I hear this coed to grap a holt of Major Fritch an he has got his han down in her space suit She is yellin an hollerin to beat the band an is crackin Sue over the head with the radio microphone

Then it dawns on me what the problem is Wile we has been up in space for nearly two days, ole Sue been strapped into his seat an ain’t had a chance to take a leak or nothin! An I sure remember what that’s like He ot him away from Major Fritch an she still hollerin an yellin, callin hiet loose, Major Fritch go up to the front of the cockpit an put her head down an start sobbin I unstrap Sue an take him behin the partition with me

I find a empty bottle for him to pee in, but after he finished, he take the bottle an heave it into a panel of colored lights an it bust to pieces an all the pee start floatin aroun in the spaceship I say, to hell with this, an start leadin Sue back to his seat when I seen a big glob of pee headin straight for Major Fritch It look like it gonna hit her in the back of the head, so I turn Sue loose an try to head off the pee with a net they have give us for catchin stuff that’s floatin aroun But jus as I alob of pee, Major Fritch sit back up an turn aroun an it caught her right in the face

She start hollerin an bawlin again an in the one an started rippin out wires from the control panel Major Fritch is screamin, "Stop him! Stop him!" but before you know it, sparks an stuff is flyin all aroun inside the spaceship an Sue is jumpin from ceilin to floor tearin shit up A voice cooin on up there?" but by then it is too late