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Alexander got stronger every day He could get up and stand near his bed It still hurt hiht, but he was offuntil night, re constantly He had just carved a cradle out of another piece of wood Soon, soon, he kept saying to himself He wanted to be moved over into the convalescent ward, but Tatiana talked hiive up his place in critical

"Remember," Tatiana said to hi by his bed, his aret better so that no one thinks you’re getting better Or before you know it, they’ll send you back to the front with your stupid mortar" She smiled up at hi toward thee, Tania," he whispered

"What?"

"Tatiana! Alexander!" Dimitri exclaiain If only Dasha were here"

Alexander and Tatiana said nothing They did not look at each other

"Tania, how are the terot you some more white sheets"

"Thanks, Diarettes for you Don’t worry about paying et yourit to you--"

"Don’t worry, Dimitri"

"It’s not a proble fro here in critical care? I thought you were in the terminal ward"

"I am But I see my crossover patients, too Leo in bed nu for me"

Di for you" Tatiana didn’t say anything Neither did Alexander, who sat down on his bed Diood to see you both Alexander, I’ll coht? Tania, you want to walk "

"Oh It’s just that Dr Sayers was looking for you ‘Where is my Tania?’ Dr Sayers said" Dietting to be quite friendly with him, aren’t you?" He raised his eyebrows to her "You knohat they say about those Americans"

Tatiana did not nod, did not blink She just turned to Alexander and said, "Come on, lie down" Alexander did not move

"Tania, did you hearat Dimitri "If you see Dr Sayers, you can tell him I’ll be with him as soon as I can"

After Dimitri left, Alexander and Tatiana looked at each other "What are you thinking?" he asked her

"That I need to change your dressing and go Lie down"

"Do you want to knohat I’ down on his stomach, Alexander said, "Tania, where is the rucksack with s?"

"I don’t know," she said "Why? What do you need it for?"

"It was on ot hit"

"It wasn’t on your back e got to you It’s probably lost, honey"

"Yes" he drew out "But usually the rear units clean up once the battle is over Pick up things like that Can you ask around for it?"

"Of course," she said, unwrapping his bandages "I’ll ask Colonel Stepanov" She paused, and Alexander heard her purr "You know, Shura, the only thing I want to do when I see your back is play rail tracks, rail tracks" She kissed his bare shoulder

"The only thing I want to do when I see your back," he said, closing his eyes, "is play rail tracks, rail tracks"

Later that night when she was sitting by him, Alexander said to her, "Tatiana, you have to pro happens to o" He held on to her when he said it

"Don’t be ridiculous What can happen to you?" She didn’t look at hi to be brave?"

"Not at all," she said "As soon as you’re fit, we’re leaving Dr Sayers is ready to go anytiru Doesn’t like the cold, doesn’t like the help, doesn’t like--" Tatiana stopped "So what are you talking about? What can happen? I won’t let you go back to the front And I won’t leave without you"

"That’s what I’ about Of course you will"

"Of course I won’t"

Alexander took her hand "Now listen toher head "I don’t want to listen" He wouldn’t let her hand go "Alexander, please don’t scareto be so brave Please," Tatiana said cal" He paused "You know that there is always the danger I will be arrested"

She nodded "I know But, if you’re taken by Mekhlis’s henchmen, I ait"

"Wait for what?" he exclaimed in frustration Alexander had learned the hard way that the best he could hope for was that Tatiana would agree with him If she had her own opinion, he didn’t have an icy hope of talking her out of it

His emotion must have shown on his face, because she took both his dark war-beaten hands into her flawless white ones, pressed them to her lips and said, "Wait for you" Then she tried to disentangle herself fro her off the chair, he brought her to sit next to hirad In a and Stan have left I have two rooms I ait And when you come back, I will be there with your baby"

"The Soviet council will take the hallway and the room with the stove away"

"Then I ait in the roo?"

She looked over at the other sleeping patients, at the darkened s At anything but him The hospital roo, except for hers "I ait as long as it takes," she said

"Oh, for God’s sake! You would rather be an oldthan make yourself a better life?"

"Yes," she said "There is no other life for et it"

Alexander whispered, "Tania, please" He couldn’t continue "And what about when Mekhlis coo where they send o to Taymir Peninsula Eventually Communism will fall--"

"You sure about this?"

"Yes Eventually there won’t be any more people left to reconstruct And then they’ll let me out"

"Dear sweet Jesus," Alexander whispered "It’s not just you anymore You have to think about our baby!"

"What are you even talking about? Dr Sayers is not going to take ht to -- no claio anywhere in the world with you You want to go to Ao to Australia? Yes, I say Mongolia? The Gobi Desert? Dagestan? Lake Baikal? Ger? Anywhere you go -- I will go with you But if you are staying, then I’over an overwhelmed Alexander, Tatiana pressed her breasts into his face, kissing his head Then she sat back and kissed his shaking fingers "What did you say to rad? ‘What kind of a life can I build,’ you said, ‘knowing I have left you to die -- or to rot -- in the Soviet Union?’ I’ you back to you Those were your words" She sree with you" She nodded and said softly, "If I left you, no matter which road I would take, with ponderous clatter indeed, the Bronze Horseht intodust"

Alexander said with emotion, "Tatiana -- it’s war All around us is war" He couldn’t look at her "Men die in war"

A tear escaped Tatiana’s eye, noshe tried to be "Please don’t die," she whispered "I don’t think I can bury you I already buried everyone else"

"How can I die," Alexander said, his voice breaking, "when you have poured your immortal blood intoAlexander’s rucksack in his hands He was lienerals, the worthless lackey, constantly shuffling cigarettes and vodka and books between camps and tents in the rear, the runner who refused to bear ar Alexander the rucksack "Oh, so it was found," Alexander said steadily "What happened?"

"Wouldn’t you know it? SouysI don’t know, they were pissed off Look attoo much for smokes, they said Take it, I said, take it all They did Beat the shit out offor long" He came and sat in the chair under the"Tatiana did ain Dimitri’s voice twisted Alexander’s stomach "She’s ood nurse"

"Good nurse, good woreat," said Alexander "Thanks for o and then, alht, sat back down and said, "I wanted to make sure you had all you needed in your ruck: your books, your pen and paper As it turned out, you didn’t have any pen or paper, so it was a good thing I checked, because I put some in for you In case you wanted to write letters" He shter"

Holding his rucksack, Alexander, with darkening eyes, said, "You looked throughin his stoain o "But you know" He turned back "I found so in it"

Alexander turned his face away Tatiana’s letters he had reluctantly burned But there was one thing he could not burn One beacon of hope for light that he continued to carry with hi the rucksack by the side of his bed and crossing his ar up the rucksack, Dimitri, in a friendly, polite manner, unbuttoned the flap and pulled out Tatiana’s white dress with red roses

"Look what I found at the very bottom"

Alexander said, "So?" His voice was cal around a dress owned by your dead fiancée’s sister?"

"What’s the surprise to you, Dimitri? That you found the dress? Can’t be that much of a surprise, can it?" Alexander said acidly "You were going throughfor it"

"Well, yes and no," Dimitri said jovially "I was a little surprised, I admit A little taken aback"

"Taken aback? By what?"

"Well, I thought, this is so interesting A whole dress, and there is Tatiana here at the front, working side by side with a Red Cross doctor, and there is Alexander in the same hospital I suspected it was not a coincidence I always thought you had feelings for each other" He glanced at Alexander "Always, you know Fro So then I went to Colonel Stepanov, who remembered me from the old days and was very warlad to bring you your pay so you could buy tobacco and papers and extra butter and soave me five hundred rubles, and when I expressed surprise that all you were getting was five hundred rubles being a major and all, do you knohat the adjutant toldin his temples, Alexander said slowly, "What did he tell you?"

"That you were sending the rest of your money to a Tatiana Metanova on Fifth Soviet!"

"I am, yes"

"Absolutely, why not? So I went back to Colonel Stepanov and said, ‘Colonel, isn’t it fantastic that our wanton Alexander has finally found hiirl, like our Nurse Metanova,’ and the colonel said he had been surprised hih and told no one"

Alexander said nothing

"Yes!" exclaimed Dimitri in a frank and cheerfulbecause I was your best friend, and even I didn’t know, and the colonel agreed that you were indeed a very secretive fellow, and I said, ‘Oh, you have no idea, sir’ "

Alexander looked away fro in the chair, and looked at the other soldiers lying on the beds He wondered if he could get up Could he get up? Walk around? What could he do?

Diratulations I’ratulate her"

Tatiana came to Alexander later that afternoon After she fed hiet a pail of ater and some soap "Tania, don’t carry that," he said "It’s too heavy for you"

"Stop it," she said, s your baby You think a backet is too heavy for me?"

They didn’t speak much Tatiana washed Alexander and shaved him with a razor and then dried his face He kept his eyes closed so she wouldn’t see through him Every once in a while Alexander smelled her warm breath on him, and every once in a while her lips touched his eyebrows or his fingers He felt her stroking his face and heard her sigh

"Shura," she said heavily, "I saw Dimitri today"

"Yes" It was not a question

"Yes" She paused "He washe told ot uess it was inevitable he was going to find out sooner or later"

"Yes, Tatiana," said Alexander "We did as well as we could hiding ourselves fro, but he didn’t seem to have as much of his usual nervous tension As if he really didn’t care about you and me anymore What do you think?" she asked hopefully

You think ? Alexander wanted to ask her You think this war is a school for huraduate with honors? But then Alexander opened his eyes and saw Tatiana’s frightened expression "I think you’re right," he said quietly "I don’t think he cares about you and me anymore"

Tatiana cleared her throat and touched Alexander’s clean-shaven face Leaning closer to hiet up soon? I don’t want to rush you I saw you yesterday trying to get around It’s painful for you to stand? Your back hurts? It’s healing, Shura You’re doing great As soon as you’re ready, we’ll go And we’ll never have to see hiain"

Alexander looked at her for interminable minutes

Before he opened his mouth, Tatiana said, "Shura, don’t worry My eyes are open I see Dimitri for what he is"

"Do you?"

"Yes Because like all of us, he, too, is the sum of his parts"

"He cannot be redeemed, Tania Not even by you"

"You don’t think so?" She tried to smile

Alexander squeezed her hand "He is exactly what he wants to be How can he be redeemed when he has constructed his life on what he believes is the only way to live it? Not your way, not my way, his way He has built himself on lies and deceit, on manipulation and malice, on contempt for me and disrespect for you"

"I know"

"He has found himself a dark corner of the universe and wants us all there with hiht? And tell hiht"

"What would it take for you, Tatiana, to reject him, to turn your back on him? To say, I cannot take his hand because he does not want salvation What?"

Her thoughts trickled out from her eyes "Oh, he’ll want salvation, Shura He’ll just have no hope of it"

Walking with the help of a cane, Diacross the river, there is healing in the next roo food into Leningrad, the Gerhts, Dr Sayers is getting ready to leave the Soviet Union, Tatiana sits with the ter life inside her, and I lie here in ed and watch the world rush by me Watch my minutes rush by me Alexander was so fed up that he pulled back his covers and got out of bed He stood up and began unhooking his IV bag when Ina ran up and laid hiain "Or I’ll tell Tatiana," she whispered, leaving Alexander alone with Dimitri, who sank down in the chair

"Alexander, I need to talk to you Are you strong enough to listen?"

"Yes, Dih to listen," said Alexander, with a supre his head in Dimitri’s direction He could not meet his eyes

"Listen, I really aotHonestly But, Alexander, as you know, there is one thing that’s left unfinished with us"

"Yes," Alexander replied

"Tania, she’s very good, she keeps her composure well I think I’ve underestiht"

Di I know it I feel it inshe didn’t knohat I was talking about But I know!" Diton, and so I’ you if perhaps there is room for little oldabout," said Alexander steadfastly, thinking, there was once a time I had no one else to trust but this man I put my life in this man’s hands "Dimitri, I have no plans"

"Hs now," Dimitri said with an unctuous s your feet on running" He paused "Wanted to work out a way to run with her? Or didn’t want to desert and leave her behind? Either way I don’t blao together"

"We don’t have any plans," said Alexander "But if soes, I will let you know"

An hour later Dimitri limped back, but this time with Tatiana He sat her down in the chair while he hunkered down close to them on his haunches "Tania, I need you to talk some sense into your wounded husband," Dimitri said "Explain to hiet et out of the Soviet Union I’ very jittery, very nervous, you see, because I can’t take the chance that you till run off and leave me here In the middle of war You understand?"

Alexander and Tatiana said nothing

Alexander looked at his blanket Tatiana stared straight at Dily at Dier and stared at Dimitri, too

"Tania, I’m on your side," Dimitri said, "I don’t want any harm to come either to you or to Alexander Just the opposite" He smiled "I wish you the best of luck It’s so hard for two people to find happiness I know I’ve tried That you two soed -- I don’t kno -- is a miracle Now all I want is a chance for myself I just want you to help me"

"Self-preservation," said Alexander, "as an inalienable right"

"What?" said Di," replied Alexander

Tatiana said, "Dimitri, I really don’t knohat this has to do with ot everything in the world to do with you Unless, of course, it’s the s to run aith and not your injured husband You’ve been o with Sayers when he returns to Helsinki, haven’t you?"

No one spoke

"I don’t have ti to his feet and leaning on his cane "Tania, I’ to you Either you taketo have to keep Alexander here in the Soviet Union with me"

Her hand still in Alexander’s, Tatiana sat stoically in her chair and then looked at Alexander and raised her shoulders to form a faint question

Alexander squeezed her hand so hard that she emitted a tiny cry

"There, there," exclaimed Dimitri "That’s theeverything Tatiana, how do you do that? How do you have such an uncanny ability to see everything? Your husband, who’s got less of that ability, struggles against you but in the end gives in because he knows it’s the only way"

Alexander and Tatiana didn’t say a word He relaxed his hold on her hand, which remained nested in his

Di here until I hear an answer Tania, what do you say? Alexander has been my friend for six years I care for both of you I don’t want any trouble" Dimitri rolled his eyes "Believe me -- I hate trouble All I want is to have a s for yourselves That’s not too much to ask, is it? I want a tiny piece of it Don’t you feel you’ll be selfish, Tania, if you don’t allow ave away your oatoing to deny me so little when" -- and here he looked at her and Alexander -- "you have soover each other in their race to his already embattled heart, Alexander said, "Tania, don’t listen to him Di to do with her" Di the inside of Alexander’s palhtfully, intently, rhythmically She opened her mouth to speak "Don’t say a word, Tatiana," said Alexander

"Say the word, Tatiana," Dimitri said "It’s up to you But please, let me hear your answer Because I don’t have much time"

Alexander watched Tatiana rise to her feet "Di, "woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has not another to pick hied "By that I take it to ? Is that a yes or a no?"

Her hand holding Alexander’s tightly, Tatiana said, barely audible, "My husband made you a promise And he always keeps his word"

"Yes!" Di to her Alexander watched Tatiana pull sharply away

Tatiana spoke softly "Every kindness is repaid by good people," she said "Dimitri, I will tell you of our plans later But you need to be ready at a moment’s notice Understand?"

"I’m ready this moment," Dimitri said with excitement "And I mean that I want to leave as soon as possible" He extended his left hand to Alexander, who turned his face away, still holding on to Tatiana He had no intention of shaking hands with Diether "It’s all right," she said, her voice quavering slightly "It’ll be all right"

Dimitri left

"Shura, what could we do?" Tatiana said while feeding his a little bit But not aze to her

She nodded "He wants to surviveelse You told ht Alexander What did you tell rad sky?

"We’ll take hiet better soon"

"Let’s go, Tania," said Alexander "Tell Dr Sayers that whenever he’s ready to leave, I’ll make myself ready"

Tatiana left

A day passed

Dimitri returned

He sat down in the chair next to Alexander, who did not look his way He was staring into thedistance, into the short distance of his broool blanket, trying to recall the last name of the Moscow residence hotel he had lived in with hisnames It had been a source of confusion and hilarity for Alexander, as now deliberately focusing hisin the chair not a ht Alexander, with a stab of pain

He remembered the last name of the hotel

It was Kirov

Dimitri cleared his throat Alexander waited

"Alexander, can we talk? This is very important"

"It’s all important," stated Alexander "All I do is talk What?"

"It’s about Tatiana"

"What about her?" Alexander stared at his IV How long would it take him to disconnect it? Would he bleed? He looked around the ward It was just after lunch, and the other wounded were either sleeping or reading The shift nurse was sitting by the door reading herself Alexander wondered where Tatiana was He didn’t need the IV Tatiana kept it on him to force him to remain in the critical ward, to keep his bed No Don’t think about Tatiana Pulling hiainst the wall

"Alexander, I kno you feel about her--"

"Do you?"

"Of course--"

"Somehow I doubt it What about her?"

"She is sick"

Alexander said nothing

"Yes Sick You don’t knohat I know You don’t see what I see She is a ghost walking around this hospital She is fainting constantly The other day she lay in a faint in the snow for I don’t kno long A lieutenant had to get her up We brought her to Dr Sayers She put on a brave face--"

"How do you know she was in the snow?"

"I heard the story I hear everything Also I see her in the terminal ward She holds on to the hen she walks She told Dr Sayers she was not getting enough food"

"And you know this how?"

"Sayers told ood friends, I see"

"No I just bring hies, iodine, medical supplies froh We talk for a few minutes"

"What’s your point?"

"Did you know she was not feeling well?"

Alexander was thoughtfully grih food, and he knehy she was fainting But the last thing he was going to do was trust Di about Tatiana Alexander kept customarily quiet for a moment and then said, "Dimitri, do you have a point?"

"Yes, I have a point" Dimitri lowered his voice and pulled the chair closer to the bed "What we’re planningit’s dangerous It requires physical strength, courage, fortitude"

Alexander turned his head to Dimitri "Yes?" he said, surprised that words like "fortitude" could have come from Die through it all?"

"What are you talking about--"

"Alexander! Listen to me for a second Wait, before you say more Listen She is weak, and we have a very hard road ahead of us Even with Sayers’s help Do you know there are six checkpoints between here and Lisiy Nos? Six One syllable out of her at any of them and we’re all dead Alexander" Di his voice low -- it was the only way he could keep it -- Alexander said, "I a this ludicrous conversation"

"You are not listening"

"You’re right, I’ht--"

"I know no such thing!" Alexander exclai "I know that without her--" He broke off What was he doing? Was he trying to convince Di required an effort out of Alexander he just wasn’t prepared totired," he said loudly "We’ll finish this another time"

"There is no other time!" Dioing in forty-eight hours And I’ because you can’t see clear through the day"

"Crystal clear, Dimitri," snapped Alexander "She’ll be fine And she will come with us"

"She collapses here after a six-hour day"

"Six-hour? Where have you been? She is here twenty-four hours a day She doesn’t sit in a truck, she doesn’t sit and have cigarettes and vodka on her job She sleeps on cardboard, and she eats what the soldiers don’t finish, and she washes her face in the snow Don’t tell me about her day"

"What if there is a border incident? What if, despite all of Sayers’s efforts, we’re stopped, interrogated? You and I will have to use our weapons We’ll have to stand and fight"

"We’ll do e have to" Alexander glared at Dimitri’s cane, at his bruised face, at his hunched body

"Yes, but ill she do?"

"She’ll do what she has to"

"She is going to faint! She is going to collapse in the snow, and you won’t knohether to kill the border troops or help her up"

"I will do both"

"She can’t run, she can’t shoot, she can’t fight She’ll swoon at the first sign of trouble, and believe me, there is always trouble"

"Can you run, Dimitri?" Alexander asked, unable to keep the hate out of his voice

"Yes! I’ht either"

"He’s a man! And frankly, I’m less worried about hiood to hear"

"I’m worried about what she will do"

"Ah, that is a fine difference"

"I’ about her, you will screw up, make stupid mistakes She will slow you down, ht need to take The Lisiy Nos forest checkpoint is poorly defended, not undefended"

"You are right We ree?"

"No"