Page 22 (1/2)

"I should go"

"Wait--don’t," he says, and then he turns red "I er side of Michael’s car, watching Hallowed fly past, a picture ofquiet It’s overcast and cold, and the sun barely kisses the houses lining the streets After a while, Hallowell disappears and we pull onto a dirt road that leads out of town I watch, as the wheels kick up dust in the rearview

Michael is a quiet comfort beside me I like hioes sain Another dirt road We stay on this one a long time, until a fahtens and oes for the door

"It’s okay," Michael says quickly "Regina, he’s not here"

I stare at the convertible parked on the side of the road Donnie’s not here It sinks in slowly What that means Donnie’s not here But his car is

And then I feel like I’ve chased a bunch of speed with twenty cups of coffee

Michael eases the Saturn to a stop behind the convertible

"He’ll never find it out here" He pulls a different set of keys fronize the little Swiss Arnition Idiot" He tosses theive him a ride anywhere He’ll have to hoof it for who kno long So I was thinking we put the top down, because it’s supposed to rain all week, and leave the keys inside for anyone to find…"

Michael hands ers around therasp and now they’re inhe has

I get out of the car and approach it carefully, slowly I don’t even knohere to start, so I get into the driver’s side, where Donnie sits every day, and think And then I put the top down and shove the keys in the ignition I feel eet an idea

The coffee-and-speed feeling coain This is perfect I get out of the car So perfect I fingernail the knife out of the cover I’ the tip of the knife down the driver’s side of the convertible I press in hard It’s a beautiful sound

It’s a beautiful scratch

And then I do it again

Again Again

I step back and adth of his classic convertible, but it still isn’t enough I could do better

I need to stop looking at it like a car and ers are wrapped so tightly around the keys they hurt, but it’s a good hurt Iart--a big letter D I folloith an O UI carve deep, going over the letters as hard as I can C H EIt takes a while My fingers go nuers I rub the to return That takes a while, too

"Nice," Michael says, coet to work on the B The letters cross over the original lines I ine the car is Kara and I iine the metal as their skin, and it feels even better That’s sick Even I kno sick that is

It’s as sick as locking uy who tried to rape me

I drop the knife

For a minute, all I see is us Me and Anna Kara and Jeanette and Mara No Josh, no Donnie, no Michael Nothing is co down theout for lunch, the first tiet per I see Marta and Jeanette, and they’re oblivious, happy Kara is overweight, dour even when she smiles, and we’re not close but we’re not there--here--yet And Anna is this carefree vision that makes my heart ache, because I don’t knohat happened to her, but she used to be good

We’re sick We’re sick We’re sick girls

Michael kneels down beside et back to work: A

G

Done I’s are stuck to ainst the ground and just ride it out, and when I’ to cry, I lean back and stare at the car, and I can feel how close Michael is beside me

"You did this for ina," he says, "I…" But he never finishes

I stare at the ground and all I can think about is Michael’s ainst my ainst my paler It doesn’t have to be loud all the time