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I go ho there I can still feel Donnie’s hands on et vodka from my dad’s liquor cabinet, because the lock doesn’tif you really want it, and I want it, I want to drink until I can breathe, but it doesn’t really work, so I go to Michael’s house because it’s after school and he should be there and I don’t want to be alone

I leave with the bottle half eet to his place, and no one’s there either, and I’m so wasted, I don’t think I can actually walk back hoot this drunk, I was at one of Josh’s parties All of Josh’s parties The night would always end with Anna holding my hair while I puked, and I liked it because after what happened with Liz, it was the only time Anna felt like she was my best friend

I sneak down the narrow path to the backyard I curl up on the chaise lounge by the pool and stare up at the sky, and the sky looks so stupid from here

"-been out here?"

This ers I’ht on the chaise lounge I don’t re up Michael’s in front ofhave you been out here?"

I don’t know Thinking it isn’t the say to speak I close my eyes and push him away He presses his palm to my cheek, and his hand is so warm, I shiver

"Cold," he says

And then another voice "Is she all right?"

Not that voice I open e three unsteady steps away from both of them before I fall off the face of the planet Michael’s there, his arm around my waist I stare up at him "You told her?"

"She told me she found you," he says, like that’s a reason It’s not I push away froain He eases me back down on the chaise I bury my face in my hands because I don’t want Liz to see h it’s already too late I can feel her looking at me

"I bet you love this," I mutter

"I’ that feels And then I have this thought: We probably could’ve been friends, all three of us-- like, real friends I hate that thought

"I’m sorry," I say stupidly, and then sorry is on a loop I can’t keep it fro out of my mouth "I’m sorry, Liz, I’m sorry--Michael-- I’ina, it’s okay--"

I laugh It’s the least funny thing in the world, but I laugh "It’s not okay It doesn’tIt’ll never…"

My stomach twists, awful, and I cover my mouth with my hand and lean forward, and there’s this horribleto puke, but it doesn’t happen But I’m really tired I try to curl back into the chair, to sleep, but Michael pulls ot to get her inside," Liz says

"Yeah"

He hooks ets h, so I try to push hiuides ht lines It’s not a fun kind of drunk He swears under his breath while Liz waits for us at the door

"Why would you--?" He stops, and redirects me for the umpteenth tiet I asked"

"I was alone," I say, like that’s a reason

He giveselse He tightens his grip onme when to step up, be careful We bypass his kitchen--I want to look, but only gli room He pours me onto the couch while Liz hovers behind

She could’ve left by now Should have

Some small part of her has to love this

"Get her some water," she tells Michael "Get the phone, too She’s probably not going anywhere tonight…Get her to leave amachine for her parents while she can still sort of fake sober"

That’s an Anna trick We taught her that

"Good thinking," Michael says He leaves He leaves the room He leaves me in the room alone with Liz We stare at each other I wish I could pass out so I could wake up so this nightmare would be over Except it’s never really over

"Your shirt’s torn A little," Liz says after ain front of Michael He already freaked when I told him how I found you" She pauses and she looks concerned, like she wants to know-- to ask you about it"