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She shrugs "Postponed"

"I never postponed for anything"

"This is i," I sneer "I bet it really turns Chris on I bet he’s thinking it won’t be so bad being your boyfriend after all Actually, I know he’s thinking it And so do you That’s the only reason you’re here"

She inclines her head, like we’re playing chess and I made the first move and it wasn’t a bad one

"I really wanted to start over with you after everything happened I thought it was possible" She stares at the wooden cross mounted to the wall "For about five minutes, I al on"

I laugh "While you asting ti your Beowulf essay and passing it off as my own"

She clenches her jaw "At least after I saw Evan I didn’t lose it"

"I’m disappointed That’s the best you can do?" "Yeah, it is" Becky nods And then she nods again, like she really means it "You knoho feels sorry for you? Chris That’s pathetic"

"Yeah, it is pathetic that he’s still in love with me"

She rolls her eyes

"Do you feel sorry for me?"

It’s one of those questions I ask before considering whether or not I really care about the answer Who a? It’s Becky Of course I don’t

"You’ve made a choice and it’s so obvious I see it; I accept it," she says "Even if no one else can You want to rot and I want to let you"

If I was feeling generous, I’d congratulate her The only person standing in the way of ultimate popularity--me--had stepped aside and she snapped up the position before anyone else even realized it was available She probably watchedto see how ured out my motivations in the process That takes talent She’ll ets out of here

"Who would’ve thought that you of all people would be set"Consider that my contribution"

I peer inside of it "Becky, if I’raduate"

"Do you really?" She stands and stretches "I’d better go Chris is waiting forI wouldn’t tell him myself"

She heads back down the aisle and I stretch back out on the pew, holding the paper bag to my chest, the bottle of Jack heavy inside it The door creaks as Becky opens it and I wait for the click, the noise that tells ain, but it doesn’t come And then, her voice:

"You know, it’s not any harder on you than it was for the rest of us"

THIRTEEN

"Uh what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I’ into the seat beside Jake The driver shifts gears, the bus shakes and our shoulders bu beside you"

"No, you’re not Your seat is at the front," he says They say imitation is the sincerest forh"

It’s weird sitting in theto Jake for flaking out on hi out" Ito be deaf when he talks toto do with our art project, and then I pretend to be hearing delayed and wait, like, five ht wasn’t very nice of ," I tell him

"Evan--" He clears his throat "Evan is Chris’s best friend He left before senior year because he had a breakdown or so slowly "And can you tell me why he had a nervous breakdown?"

"Nope"

"Well, if you can’t tell me that, you can at least tell me what any of it has to do with me," I say

"Chris said he’d tell odly pause because we both knohat’s co next "You did try to kill yourself"

"It was an accident"

"Oh, right" He doesn’t believe me "That’s why you meet with Grey, isn’t it? And that’s why no one leaves you alone and you’re not popular any secret, right?"

"Congratulations, you figured it out So how `bout them Mets?"

He blinks "What?"