Page 18 (1/2)

"Still pissed at me over what happened at practice, huh?"

"Go" I uncover lare, which I’m pretty sure is totally compromised by my total drunkenness "Away"

She sle to sit up "And youa brain aneurysm in front of the entire squad," she interrupts "You should’ve seen your face You were going apeshit over the stupidest things, like, oh et it We always do"

"I wasn’t having a brain aneur-an-any--" She laughs I want to kill her "Thing"

"And Chris is worried about you," she says

I groan "Shut up"

"He actually came to me; that’s hoorried he is He’s afraid to talk to you He thinks you’re fixing for a breakdown because you’re, like, obsessed with perfection" She says this as breezily as so the weather And then: "So I told him about the panic attacks"

My heart stops "You didn’t"

She leans overblond hair hangs in front ofmy nose I turn s are supposed to be winding down"

Sheduties until the year’s over," she continues "She’s alanted to do it and you can let her and say you did so nice I’ve talked to the squad; they said if you do that, they’ll want you back next year--"

This sobers me up completely for about five seconds

"No Are you out of your hingstock--"

"It doesn’t ht now You’re an analretentive control-freak perfectionist and they need a break and so do you And so do I--I can’t do dae control for you anyive the best performance of their lives thanks to me and then they love me!"

She snorts

"That’s true and you know it," I ood"

"Yeah, and the sooner you make a mistake and learn to live with it or let them make mistakes and learn to live with it, the better Until that actually happens, I really think you’re going to give yourself a stroke You’re not responsible for everything, Parker You can’t control the way things end up Stop trying"

"Then it’s , so if they fuck up, it’s my fault, and if I fuck up, it’s my fault and--" I can barely think the words before I say theood I’ood person because it’s the outcoht in the end--and that’s how you get aith being a control-freak perfectionist, because in the end you’re right and there’s no excuse for anything less I a Chris You are so wasted it’s unbelievable"

And she’s right, but only about that I’ else A second later, I feel her brushing a strand of hair from my face I push her hand away

"Go, please"

"Look, Parker, I’ everyone out If you don’t step down, I’et you off the squad for your own sake, and Chris has agreed to help"

It takes everything, but I push rabs ain my balance, but I don’t want her help I jerk rip and fuainst the side of the house and wait for the world to right itself This is cheerleading Serious business My reputation’s on the line and, and, and they know they know I’m not--

"I can’t believe you went behindon you with Jenny Morse They’re fucking"

I slide down the side of the house until I’ Jessie looks like she’s underwater, wavery, discombobulated, but I can still make out her expression: openmouthed, white-faced, hurt I didn’t want to tell her like this, but she deserves it She shakes her head, totally shocked, and ive him hell, ask him if it’s true, whatever I don’t care

"I’ you this as your best friend," I call after her

"Parker?"

The voice comes as a total surprise

Maybe if I stay really, really still she’ll go away

"Parker, I know you’re there I can see your feet"

I heave a colossal sigh and sit upright

"This is unexpected, Becky," I say "What do you want?"

She ly self-assured way, a brown paper bag clutched in one hand, and sits besideto talk to you, but he said you’re avoiding him So I said I’d talk to you because I know you won’t avoid me And we should probably talk, shouldn’t we?"

"What about cheerleading practice?"