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I couldn't Everything that happened and everything I did and thought was indelibly written on the surface of an covered with scratches and sest tear came with the realization that Nelson Childs was never to be mine

Desire was cruel We should want only the things we can have, I thought; otherwise, longing becomes pain and pain turns us into creatures of dissatisfaction, sitting with arthritic, curled fingers, scowling at the horizon, furious at the sun for rising and bringing us another day of disappointment

"There you are!" Samuel cried "Nelson told me you were out here My poor Olivia," he said

sauntering over to embrace me I smelled the odor of whiskey and onions on his breath and my stomach churned "You shouldn't be alone at a time like this, Olivia"

"You can only be alone at a time like this," I replied

"I'lltothe first shovelful for our foundation first thing I'll"

"Let's go inside, Sa colder"

"What? Oh, yes Of course"

He kept his arm around me clumsily as we approached the door and then I stepped forward and his arm slipped away

Just like Mother's hand, leaving me alone to face as to come

10

The Bride No One Would

Have Believed

During the days that followed Mother's funeral,