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To the extra five pounds we gained while writing this novella: Fuck you

And to donuts: You’re delicious Don’t change

New York, Thursday, April 20th, Early Morning

Georgia: Good Night from Bora Bora!

Ah, Georgia My beautiful, sweet, funny, newlyas fuck best friend

Her lovely text included a photo of her and her hot husband, lounging in the tropical sun, on a private beach in Bora Bora They’d been on their honeymoon for no more than three days, and I’d already received fifteen nauseatingly happy es

Me: You Are An Asshole Another picture of you and Big Dick at the beach, and I’ll drop Walter off at the Humane Society

Georgia: If you fuck with my cat, I will disown you

Me: Your cat is Satan Seriously I think the devil was reincarnated inside him He’s evil

Did I fail to ia and Kline were on their honey care of Walter? And not in the cool way that a ie actually wantedWell, Thatch and I had been given that task, but I was the one at their apart time with their asshole of a cat

Georgiasweetheart, but he was the opposite—a big feline dick That cat’s lifehell And he did it often So far, in the span of forty-eight hours, he’d pissed on ift of his shit—yes, his actual cat shit—inside

Which explained why I was tits out, standing around in only ia’s closet Fresh out of the shower, I needed so to wear that didn’t smell like feline feces

“Thanks a lot, douchenozzle,” I said out loud, looking directly at Walter—as currently lounging on their bed, licking himself “Nice Real classy, Walnuts”

He just stared back, irritated and coet when a good fifteen hours of your day is used up by licking the rim of your own asshole He eyed le blink and then strode out of the roo across the hardwood floor I couldn’t putabout the way he moved screamed fuck you

“Yeah, walk away, buddy! Walk the fuck away!” I shouted toward him as my phone vibrated on top of the dresser next to the closet

Georgia: He is not evil! He’s just a little hesitant with new people He’ll warm up to you

Me: Ohhhhh…so when he pisses on“hesitant”? Or is that hi up to me”?

Georgia: Another 24 hours and you guys will be buddies I promise