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There’s hurt there in his voice, and it goes beyond his duty to my father “Well, I have my dad to thank for that My name was never mentioned in the papers, and while I think my dad did tell your father about the accident, he likely asked him to keep it private” I see the disappoint to keep me safe, Ryder”
Ryder frowns “I’ you was the best way to keep you safe”
The weight in ets ht now it doesn’t make me feel bare and exposed, it makes me feel connected to him in ways I’m not to anyone else “I often wondered that, too, and so did my therapist”
I’m not at all surprised that he doesn’t focus on what I’ht “This is why you push yourself to do such reckless things sometimes?”
Part of the reason is what I want to say It’s why I can wake up every day and survive But Ryder doesn’t want to hear that I’m with these men because his rejection only deepens my pain Instead I stick with the truth he knows “Honestly, I’ht stands but don’t because I can’t trust anyone because of o to the clubs There’s a level of privacy I depend on…and, well, the s” Back in college, a date with a wannabe Doht me to the real deal Into the hands of trained Dolow “I need the intensity, the thrill The excitehness, an
d even the pain…it all wakes me up I feel…”
“Alive?” he offers
I nod “It’s like everything inside of ht to find a way to release that tension”
“Being at the club gives you that release?” he asks
“The intensity that happens during s happiness, fear, even sadness, just to a stronger degree, and these are all things that I fight to feel on a daily basis” The therapists callemotions PTSD A reaction caused by the accident “When it all beco to stay afloat, I’ve learned that being with a Dominant allows that build-up to escape, if that makes any sense at all”
“Actually, it allevery day et that, Hadley” My heart begins to race at the way he’s studyingintensely; his expression co his war at him He’s so damn real There’s no bullshit here “You dealt with your pain,” he adds in a gentle voice, “and survived, and that takes strength”
Mywith unanswered questions about where this is going between us as he pulls htly
It’s all I need All I ever needed
Chapter 7
Ryder