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Still no answer

“You said I was playing with you,” Ian went on “You’re the one playing with me Tell ht, it didn’t sound like you were saying no… Was I wrong?”

Paul did not look up

“I’s for you,” Ian went on “You’re just… you’re not like anyone I’ve uys I ith, they didn’t care what happened to me They didn’t see me at all But you’re different The e talk for hours You’re probably the smartest person I know And you listen to me And you were just there forlike that And I feel like… But if I’, you have to tell me Just tell me and I’ll put it out of my mind I can do that”

Paul looked at Ian, knowing he should say soaze back to the carpet

“You probably should have run away screa by now,” Ian said “I would understand if you did… I know I’s because I want them to be there But I don’t think I’m crazy… Yesterday I decided I had to find out But I was so nervous I thought I’d just have one little drink I thought maybe I could do that But I can’t It was stupid I know I fucked everything up… I don’t knohat I’…”

Ian had taken every risk He had trusted a stranger at his most vulnerable He had made the first phone call He had risked rejection andbefore Paul emotionally naked

For the first time, Paul truly understood that when Ian looked in the , he didn’t see a beauty—he saw someone covered in scars Paul was ashamed He did not deserve Ian’s ad but Ian’s beauty He’d wanted to hang hiallery wall and look at hi in life to be pretty He was so focused on outside ies: Ian’s beauty, what people would think What did any of thata deep hu to make his own fear into a virtue

“Help ?”

Paul looked Ian straight in the eye “You’re not crazy”

Ian sat down on the futon, the saht hi “I kneasn’t,” he said to hi to do?”

Paul sat down beside hi that had been done to hiain A strand of hair had fallen across Ian’s face Paul reached over and tucked it back behind his ear Then, with his thumb, he traced the line of Ian’s cheekbone, and then the line of his lower lip

“My angel,” he said

He leaned in and allowed his lips to nearly brush Ian’s He hesitated and leaned back enough to allow Ian’s face to come into focus His eyes were full of expectation, his soft lips slightly parted Paul leaned in again, and this tiently teasing Paul’s lips with his own An invitation and an answer It was natural—the first time and yet not the first time—because this moment had been practiced so often in fantasy Yet the fantasies were no preparation Paul’s iht He’d focused on the lips and the tongue and the building sense of arousal But he’d neglected to include all of the senses and all of the emotions He’d failed to include the sense of sine the twinge of fear and anxiety and the open space it created inside when he let it go He’d failed to fully include his sense of hearing, the shs so close to his ear He’d focused too hts, which he now released coot lost in each other, lost in the dance Paul ran his fingers through Ian’s hair He felt Ian’s hands exploring his back and shoulders For a moment, he seemed to disappear into pure sensation and emotion

He was startled when he heard words; his intellect was hardly prepared “Should we go to your roo for Paul’s answer, he stood up and put out his hand “Come on,” he said