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I have abilities, still I can still learn, both in global, conceptual ways and in details But the abilities I lack—in the social realnitive realm, in the real-tiate independently Conflict, criticis interaction with different personalities simultaneously is nearly i in real life is another matter

Social aspects have always been the greatest difficulty I’ve faced My illness affects h those parts of my brain are absent, or don’t function as they would in others I’ve long felt my barriers to work have not been e the sorts of human connection that are necessary to work, in different ways People don’t generally like enerally trustwrong, do so is often mutual, as well I often observe actions and emotions that others don’t, because I’s

I am, at this point, utterly reliant on those aroundquite a bit—if, and only if, the conditions are right My capabilities shift, depending on circu home and I know she’s had a busy day, I can rouse etables When she’s out of town, I can barely stir the energy or care to open a can of corn to eat In her absence I don’t venture into the outer world, don’t interact with anyone for days or weeks

I would be unable to clie, withoutBut with her I’s I’ve been able to teach her nearly everything I know of cli technique, of safety, so that noith her ability to work out or climb daily, an ability I’ve lost, with her superior fitness, she surpasses me

I can exist ith h the world, and because she reacts with kindness, always But existing with others, strangers, and those not as kind is another matter

This is a lot of stress to place on any one person Because s as I do, she doesn’t feel this stress But I do The difference is stark

On s I can’t ride public transit, or be in public spaces or around crowds for long I impose isolation on myself, as a way to avoid the friction that inevitably results from social interaction This isolation is effective, but unbelievably fatiguing, in its oay The incredible loneliness of my condition overwhelms

As es, es, as well It becomes harder and harder to exert myself ortasks—these are all symptoms of my illness, and I experience them at a level far beyond what these casual phrases imply I can’t concentrate anymore—often can’t read a book, can almost never watch TV or consuranted

My sye of text, I can read it far faster than your average person, alraph over and over without understanding, or I can be too overwhele

I have one by the ti on a different schedule than anyone else, up until the wee hours of the ht, medication knocks me out routinely, for twelve-plus hours at a stretch

My condition is debilitating Beyond words, beyond language It can take er, to recover fro in the outside world During this ti to feel better Sheer physical fatigue takes over, as does hts can preoccupystretches of time Accompanyin

g this distortion is my inability to place myself in time

Nearly every day I’, even if the specifics change I can feelI can feelI feel loss ever-present

This is what I wish others understood of my illness, as well as of illnesses such as early-onset Alzheie is the constant There is so much flux in condition from one day to the next, that it’s nearly impossible to accurately capture the full picture That personality change is an aspect of these sorts of illnesses

I know my illness will likely shorten my life span, by estimates of ten to twenty-five years I know people with nificantly elevated rates of suicide I know psychosis especially lends itself to such scenarios I know first-degree fanitive impairments and deficits, as well This matches my experience withinintersected with my family members’ failure to understand