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Caleb nodded “He kept askinghim no I promised I’d tell him ifthe videos to keepwith me But it didn’t stop him and I was too ashamed to tell Nick that I couldn’t say no”

“What happened to Nick isn’t your fault,” I said

“He’s dead because he walked in on me and my dad If I’d just told him the truth—”

“There’s no way to knoould have happened, Caleb,” I said

He’d cala co down before my very eyes

“Eli would have been okay… he had Mav” Caleb continued as if I hadn’t spoken “Nick was planning to move in to the dorms at school I could have… I could have found a way to live with it”

“It would have destroyed you, Caleb”

His eyes lifted to meet mine “It did anyway, Jace” He looked at the knife in his hand “Nick is dead and twelve people looked Eli in the eye and basically told him he deserved what happened to hi the truth?”

“I know it doesn’t seeet—”

“Don’t,” Caleb cut in “Don’t tell et better”

Frustration coursed through me because I really didn’t knohat to tell hiht futurenow His efforts to do the right thing were being thrown back in his face now

He didn’t need promises about the future He needed them for now

And I had no fucking clue how to give him that

I watched in silence as Caleb carefully put the knife on the bed “I need some air,” he whispered

“Caleb,” I began, but he pushed me ahen I reached for him and stepped past me I followed and stopped in the doorway between the bedroo up the contents of the drawer he’d spilled in an effort to get to the knife I was about to go help hi for a spoon I followed the path of his gaze and knew instantly what he was looking at

I felt nored the spoon and went to where the plastic bags were sitting discarded by the steps leading above deck One of theainst the backdrop of white plastic