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She cried again as the climax consumed itself in her, tears that came from a place deep within her
‘Don’t cry,’ he said, and held her close ‘Don’t cry’
He soothed her till her tears had ebbed away, easing fro her to hi wall of his chest Her heart was full within her, but a great grief ran through her still
She lifted her head to look at him
Her eyes were troubled So very troubled
‘Theo—thank you Thank you for giving me this time now It’s taken away so rateful, very grateful to you for that But go now—please Please go’ She sed painfully
She sat up more, so that she was farther away from him and could half wrap the duvet around her Then, with another s, she began to talk
‘I should never have ht from the start that I should not Not just because I didn’t approve of our reasons for doing so—I gave in to the pressure anyway, for my uncle’s sake—for another reason One I refused to face up to until it was far, far too late’ Her eyes gazed down at hih could only possibly work if both parties felt the same about it, and about each other Tobeyond the , with me cast very temporarily in the role of Mrs Theo Theakis The play would have finite run and then we’d both go off stage and get on with our real lives again, the purpose of the play achieved That’s why…’
She sed yet again, and though she did not want to speak, she did, ‘that’s why I was so horrified when it actually finally dawned onI must be mistaken—I had to be ht you were! This wasn’t a real ! The very idea that you would look at me…think of me…in that as just absurd! And when I finally accepted that in fact you did think of ry How dared you do so! Because toit It was an exercise in power That was all Flexing your sexual ego while you continued merrily with the women who’d made it so clear to me that that was your usual practice’
A painful breath shook through her
‘But I couldn’t cope with that—I knew I couldn’t I knew I couldn’t treat sex with you the way those other women did And I knew—oh, God, I knew—that for you I wouldn’t be anything more than any other woman was’
She shut her eyes again, then opened them determinedly ‘Even when you threw atour e, it just ht on what you’d done tothe letter of ourfro you were facing ht as well recourse to the one woman hom you could, by your terms, have sex Me’
She shook her head slowly ‘Oh, God, that rier! To be used like that! Used! Because it meant it didn’t matter who the hell I was—anyone you’d ht necessary—anyone would have done!’
‘So it didn’t matter Because the outcoe came to its allotted end, that would be the end of what you wanted froed, and that would be that’
She pulled the duvet htly around her, as if it were to stanch a wound