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Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The angel and I had been watching a els in it No one in the yptian I ever met

"Did Moses look like that?" I asked Raziel, orrying the crust off of a goat cheese pizza in between spitting vitriol at the screen

"No," said Raziel, "but that other fellow looks like Pharaoh"

"Really?"

"Yep," said Raziel He slurped the last of a Coke through a strawa rude noise, then tossed the paper cup across the room into the wastebasket

"So you were there, during the Exodus?"

"Right before I was in charge of locusts"

"Hoas that?"

"Didn't care for it I wanted the plague of frogs I like frogs"

"I like frogs too"

"You wouldn't have liked the plague of frogs Stephan was in charge A seraphim" He shook his head as if I should know sos

"I suppose it's for the best, though," Raziel said with a sigh "You can't have a sos If I'd done it, it would have been s"

"That wouldn't have worked," I said

"Well, it didn't work anyway, did it? I s were unclean to the Jews To the Jews it was a plague To the Egyptians it was like having a big feast of frog legs drop frolad we didn't listen to hiue of pork"

"Really, he wanted to bring down a plague of pork? Pigs falling from the sky?"

"Pig pieces Ribs, ha bloody You know, unclean pork and unclean blood The Egyptians would have eaten the pork We talked him into just the blood"

"Are you saying that Moses was a di ironic when I asked this, I are that I was asking the eternal dimwit of them all Still

"No, he just wasn't concerned with results," said the angel "The Lord had hardened Pharaoh's heart against letting the Jews go We could have dropped oxen froed his mind"

"That would have been so to see," I said

"I suggested that it rain fire," the angel said

"How'd that go?"

"It was pretty We only had it rain on the stone palaces andup all of the Jeould sort of defeated the purpose"

"Good thinking," I said

"Well, I'el

"Yeah, I know," I said Then I thought about it a second, about how Raziel nearly wore out our poor roo orders of ribs the day they were the special

"You didn't suggest fire, initially, did you? You just suggested that it rain barbecued pork, didn't you?"

"That guy doesn't look anything like Moses," the angel said

That day, thrashing in the sea, trying to swih the water under full sail, I first saw that Raziel was, as he clai over the aftrail of the ship, shouting alternately to me, then to Titus It was pretty obvious that even under the light wind that day, I would never catch the ship, and when I looked in the direction of shore I could see nothing but water Strange, the things you think of at tiht first was "What an incredibly stupid way to die" Next I thought, "Joshua will never an to pray, not for my own salvation but for Joshua I prayed for the Lord to keep hiie's safety and happiness Then, as I shrugged off my shirt and fell into a slol in the direction of the shoreline, which I kneould never see, the wind stopped Just stopped The sea flattened and the only sound I could hear was the frightened cries of the crew of Titus's ship, which had stopped in the water as if it had dropped anchor

"Biff, this way!" Joshua called

I turned in the water to seeto me from the stern of the becalhtened child On the ure, who after I swahtened bunch of sailors, I recognized as the angel Raziel Unlike the times e had seen him before, he wore robes as black as pitch, and the feathers in his wings shone the blue-black of the sea under ht As I joined Joshua on the raised poop deck at the stern of the ship, the angel took wing and gently landed on the deck beside us Titus was shielding his head with his arms, as if to ward off an attacker, and he looked as if he were trying to dissolve between the deck boards

"You," Raziel said to the Phoenician, and Titus looked up between his arms "No harm is to come to these two"

Titus nodded, tried to say soht of his fear I was a little frightened ht, even if he was on our side Joshua, on the other hand, seemed completely at ease

"Thank you," Josh said to the angel "He's a cur, but he's my best friend"

"I'el said And as if that explained everything, he flapped his s and lifted off the deck The sea was dead calht over the horizon, then the breeze picked up, the sails filled, and waves began to lap at the bow Titus ventured a peek from his cowed position, then stood up slowly and took one of the steering oars under his arm

"I' to need a new shirt," I said

"You can have mine," Titus said

"We should sail closer along the coast, don't you think?" I said

"On the way, good master," Titus said "On the way"

"Your us from the feet of lepers," I said

"I've beento speak to her about that," Titus said

"So we understand each other," I said

"Absolutely," Titus said

"Crap," Joshua said "I forgot to ask the angel about knooain"

For the rest of the journey Titus was h, we didn't have to e oars e pulled into port, nor did we have to help unload or load any cargo The crew avoided us altogether, and tended the pigs for us without our even asking My fear of sailing subsided after a day, and as the steady breeze carried us north, Joshua and I would watch the dolphins that caht, breathing in the s to the creaking of rope and rigging, and trying to iine aloud what it would be like e found Balthasar If it hadn't been for Joshua's constant badgering about what sex was like, it would have been a pleasant journey indeed

"Fornication isn't the only sin, Josh," I tried to explain "I' to have me steal so I can explain it to you? Will you have me kill someone next so you can understand it?"

"No, the difference is that I don't want to kill anyone"

"Okay, I'll tell you again You got your loins, and she's got her loins And even though you call them both loins, they're different - "

"I understand theof it"

"Well, it feels good, I told you that"

"But that doesn't seeood, then condemn man for it?"

"Look, why don't you try it?" I said "It would be cheaper that way Or better yet, get married, then it wouldn't even be sin"

"Then it wouldn't be the same, would it?" Josh asked

"Hoould I know, I've never been married"

"Is it always the same for you?"

"Well, in some ways, yes"

"In ays?"

"Well, so far, it seems to be moist"

"Moist?"

"Yeah, but I can't say it's always that way, just in my experience Maybe we should ask a harlot?"

"Better yet," Joshua said, looking around, "I'll ask Titus He's older, and he looks as if he's sinned a lot"

"Yeah, well, if you count throwing Jews in the sea, I'd say he's an expert, but that doesn't mean - "

Joshua had run to the stern of the ship, up a ladder to the raised poop deck, and to a small, open-sided tent that acted as the captain's quarters Under the tent Titus reclined on a pile of rugs, drinking from a wineskin, which I saw him hand to Joshua

By the ti, "So you want to know about fucking? Well, son, you have coain as s, a few chickens, and the odd turtle What is it you want to know?"

"Stand away fro it back to Titus as I pushed Joshua back "The wrath of God could hit hiot to be an abomination" Titus flinched when I ht return to perch on his mast any second

Joshua stood his ground "Right now let's just stick with the woht" Joshua patted Titus's arm to reassure him I kne that touch felt: Titus would feel the fear run out of him like water

"I've fucked every kind of woyptians, Greeks, Romans, Jews, Ethiopians, and women from places that haven't even been nas, women with - "

"Are you married?" Joshua interrupted before the sailor started into how he had fucked them in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse

"I have a wife in Rome"

"Is it the same with your wife and, say, a harlot?"

"What, fucking? No, it's not the same at all"

"It's ht?"

"Well, yes, it's moist But that's not - "

I grabbed Joshua's tunic and started to drag hio, Josh Now you know, sin is et some supper"

Titus was laughing "You Jews and your sin You know if you hadone angry?"

"Right," I said, "I'uy who fucks turtles"

"You shouldn't be so judgmental, Biff," Joshua said "You're not without sin yourself"

"Oh, you and your holier-than-thou attitude You can just do your own sinning fro harlots night after night, describing the whole process to you over and over?"

"Well, yeah," Joshua said

"That's not the point The point is, wellthe point iswell Guilt I mean - turtles I mean - " So I was flustered Sueit beingto you? Iht now I'll wait See?

"He's gone mad," Titus said

"You shut up, you scurvy viper," Joshua said

"What about not being judgmental?" Titus said

"That's hi said that, Joshua looked as sad as I had ever seen hipen, where he sat down and cradled his head in his hands as if he'd just been croith the weight of all the worries of mankind He kept to himself until we left the ship

The Silk Road, the main vein of trade and custom and culture from the Roman world to the Far East, terminated where it met the sea at the port city of Selucia Pieria, the harbor city and naval stronghold that had fed and guarded Antioch since the time of Alexander As we left the ship with the rest of the crew, Captain Titus stopped us at the gangplank He held his hands, palm down Joshua and I reached out and Titus dropped the coins we'd paid for passage into our pal a brace of scorpions, but you two reached out without a thought"

"It was a fair price to pay," Joshua said "You don't have to return our money"

"I almost drowned your friend I'm sorry"

"You asked if he could swim before you threw him in He had a chance"