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His condeht back at hi me every day, period or no period Why didn't you keep track of it? You had the same data I did"

Hawke drops his ass to the s to the floor, and turns his back onhis elbows on his knees, his head bo for just a moment I watch as his muscular back expands with a deep breath and coh He pushes up from the bed, shoulders hunched and with the tired posture of a ninety-year-old man

When he turns to me, his voice is broken, barely audible "You should have called me from the hospital"

I offer a sharp nod of agreement "I know As I sit here and look back on it all, I know I should have"

"And because you were pissed atYou preventedyou coht to be there with you, all because you were ht"

"You chose your buddies over ht to have felt abandoned

"I chose theht in Sydney I thought you'd understand that"

"I didn't," I tell him softlyoh, so tiredly "I didn't understand All I kneas that I was in a hospital bed with bloody clots co out of me with every wave of pain, and it was ht in Sydney It was irl you claimed to love"

"I would have coain, and this I know is true The only reason I didn't call was because I was pissed And even in thatHawke, I knew deep in ut that he'd feel terrible about all of this That the next day, he'd beg iveness, take rief and ain I just knew all of that would happen eventually, so it was easy to hold on to er and not call him from the hospital

But then soether

Hawke is looking at the opposite wall vacantly, his hands shoved down deep in his pockets The fight has gone out of hiive it to him

"I didn't break up with you because of that," I tell him

His head jerkswith confusion and curiosity Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he steps around the corner of the bed that separates us and comes to stand before me "Why, then?"

Taking a step closer to Hawke, I reach out and put ht over thesteady and true I can al out pain and grief "Because you and I were bad for each other"

"What?" he says, stepping back in surprise I drop rab his, and pull it up I curl bothit over my heart

"So I can paint a clear picture of the tailspin I was thrown into "When the doctor caht She smelled the beer on s, wrinkled her nose in disdain You kno that goes sometimes"

Hawke doesn't nod in agreeree We often talked about people and first impressions Hell, I know I made an impression on his; it's what attracted him, but we also knew it repelled others

"The doctor told ht, I think it rong of her to do it, but I didn't know Not at twenty"

Hawke's Adam'

s apple bobs as he ss hard, but his voice is gruff with uneasiness "What did she do?"

I squeeze his hand still locked between both of aze at him I tell him as simply as I can, and try to keep the emotion out of my voice "She told me it was probably my fault I had s and what they can do to a fetus that early on in a pregnancy Didn't s, and she never really even asked irl and was pretty clear that, although you could never know for certain, that's probably what caused the e"

"That fucking cunt," Hawke growls, jerking his hand out of my hold His arms immediately circle around ht, protectively, and growls again "I should track her down and--"

"She was right," I say cal I believe to be true about that night

Hawke pulls his upper body back, loosening his hold onhis head in denial, eyes filled with disavowal "No"