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“What? On purpose?”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me “On purpose”
“Man, you were more fked up than I realized”
“I know”
“Guess it’s you that needs to get your head out of your ass,” he said with a little laugh, but he was timid, as if he didn’t want to push me too far
“Guess it is”
“Are you?” he asked, all seriousness again
“I’ve been trying,” I said “I thought I had until June Then you tella party a ood Maybe it would force me to face my demons sooner rather than later All ”
I hoped it was a good thing If I told h, maybe I’d eventually believe it
Jackson let out a sigh of relief
“You still co by this afternoon?” I asked
“Wouldn’t miss it”
We hung up and I walked over to the desk in the living rooain My heart pounded and I closed my eyes to calm down
I took a seat and started working, i about the party I replied to Yang Cai and started planning a trip to China for July Now that the entire spring and summer stretched out empty and alone, I saw no reason to put off the visit I’d probably need a distraction after the wedding anyway Another e-mail asked me to present at a conference in Florida in October Why the hell not? I’d fill up my fall schedule as well
One week before the party, I sat down and wrote out everything I wanted to say to Abby Every lie explained Every deception brought to light I laid out every penalty againsther back; I simply wanted to explain, to own up toI was stronger eress
Once, I actually stood in front of my mirror and practiced what I would say, but I looked stupid, so I stopped Instead, I transferred everything I wanted to say onto index cards and kept them in my pocket Every once in a while, I reached down to touch the cards I brushed y to Abby
A few days before the party, Elaina called while I stood into decide what to wear I’d talked to Elaina a few times since the split She had always been short—she knew, even without , that it was all my fault
“Hey, dipshit,” she said
I sed “Elaina”
“You ready for this weekend?”
No, but Iit
“I spoke to her,” she said, not waiting for me to answer
My heart pounded “You did?” I asked “When?”
“Last time was yesterday, but I’d spoken to her a few times before then”
The question danced on ue Did I want to know? Yes I absolutely had to know “HowHow is she?”
She sighed “How do you think she is?”
Angry Upset Pissed Sad Confused
“I don’t know,” I said “I want”
What did I want? I wanted her to be happy I knew in that second, though, noit, I wanted her back
I blinked back the tears that sprang tohad made me so emotional lately Emotional or not, there was the truth—I wanted her back
“She wants to kick you in the balls,” she finished
I bit back a laugh “I deserve that”
“I know you do” I heard the smile in Elaina’s voice as she talked “I told her as much myself”
“Thanks”
“She wouldn’t let own for the party She wants to do this her way”
That sounded like Abby Her way Her ht not even show up at the party
No She would go for Felicia That was the kind of woh it would o for her friend And since she would be there, I’d talk to her Finally
If she listened, she listened
If she kicked me in the balls, she kicked me in the balls
The lights of the penthouse glowed through the s After giving my car to the valet, I stood and stared at the front of the building Abby was on the other side of those doors
I took five steps toward the doorway and stopped Then I turned and took four steps back to the valet
Story of your life, West Two steps forward, one step back End it End it here
End it now
So I turned, but stood un the door It opened, and Jackson caed down the ay to me
“What are you doing?” I asked
He grinned sheepishly “Thought you ht need a little pep talk”
“Pep talk?”
He threw an ar forward “I know it’s ive you some moral support” He stopped, turned toward oodfor you inside Now, I don’t knohat happened between the two of you, and I really don’t care What I care about is the two of you working it out, okay?”
I crushed him to my chest “Thank you, Jackson I owe you a lot”
“I guess maybe we’re even”
“I guess h his chest muffled my voice, he could still hear me “I owe you more than I can ever repay If you hadn’t foundto think back
He pulled back “But I did, so no worries”
I clapped his back “No worries”
We walked together through the door
Once inside, Jackson trotted off to find Felicia Todd h a crowd of people
“Hell, I don’t even know most of these people,” he said as he finallyhis jacket
“How’s it going?” I sounded calm, but my voice cracked at the end, and I broke out in a cold sweat just thinking aboutinto the main room
“Good,” he said “Listen, Melanie’s here I don’t think she’s going to do anything to embarrass you, but I wanted you to know I’m sure she knoho Abby is”
Fuck Melanie I hadn’t thought about her being here
“Don’t worry,” I said “I’ht to Abby and ask her to talk”
That was ht to Abby Ask her to talk My fingers danced over the cards in my pocket
I’m sorry, Abby
Todd s to Linda”