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Calliope’s neck twists as she briefly takes her eyes off the road to give me a sour look “Look, Rafe I’ht now I’m sorry you had to co your parents get through it because I care for theht see et to know anything aboutIt’s off-limits to you, okay?”

I griot it”

“Good,” she snaps, and I sneak a glance back her way She’s gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles are turning white I knew she’d probably have hard feelings, but I guess I didn’t think she’d still be this bitter after all these years

I should leave well enough alone, but I have other things drivingto reconnect in soo “Do youto me about my dad?” I ask her quietly

Calliope jerks, her head snapping my way, eyes round with surprise “Excuse me?”

“My dad,” I prompt “It would help to haveinto”

“What do you want to know?” she asks cautiously

I take a deep breath, the bazillion questions, fears, and insecurities I have aboutme I try to focus “He told ive me details And I tried to talk to Mom about it, but she just cries when I ask, so I left it alone I don’t want her more upset than she already is I need infor a little lost and out of control right now”

I watch Calliope carefully, and while she doesn’t look ives it to ht “It was just too advanced by the ti ti to work You kno your dad is”

I nod because if there’s one thing I know, it’s where I gothours, and we rarely took vacations I can even re on major holidays like Christrowing up because of work

“He’s going to decline pretty rapidly,” she says, and the tone of her voice is different This isn’t pretty, sweet Calliope Ra, but a seasoned and educated nurse who may not deal with cancer in her line of work, but clearly knows so of which she speaks “Your parents have already decided to use hospice to come in once he needs more skilled care, but for now, he’s still able to ambulate, eat, and take care of basic life-care skills like dressing hiest thing you’ll notice”

A lump settles in the base of my throat, and I can’t even speak past it She h infor, so she continues

“As his body fights the cancer, his organs will start to shut down He won’t be hungry, so he won’t want to take in nutrition, and that will further weaken hio in and out of consciousness”

My biggest fear—the thing I’ve been obsessing about—pushes forth, past the constriction in my throat “Will he be in pain?”

“No,” she replies quickly and with such assurance, I believe her “The great thing about hospice is that they will prescribe medications to make him incredibly comfortable He won’t feel pain at all”

The rush of breath that escapes uttural, but it leaves a hollow pit in my stomach He won’t feel pain, but he’ll be unconscious and heavily sedated when he dies That shouldto die, and there’s not a da I can do about it

I feel the absurd need to cry, which I refuse to do It’s not soive in to, and I think I’d rather die myself than let Calliope see me at my lowest

“Thanks,” I rateful for the infor I had to rely on her for it

She doesn’t respond, but the silence doesn’t feel so heavy any in pain—has been alleviated Now I can start to process the rest of it

Of course, I’ll have to fit that in a a place to live—eventually—and joining my new hockey team Lots to do, and little time to do it in