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Over and over again, playing out in my mind

Sos Addicts lied They lied so much they couldn’t tell the difference between the two anymore

Austin was different, right?

I walked past the roo to be our baby’s, probably a hundred ti in there, the intuition to walk into the bedroo at o in there wouldn’t stop

As much as I wanted it to

As much as I tried

I opened the door and turned on the la immediately as if it were about to disappear any second Everything appeared the way it should be Nothing seeh Austin spent a lot of time in there

I walked around the roo the walls

“I think we should do a soft yellow color on the walls in this room”

“A soft pink It’s a girl, Briggs, I know it”

My feet softly skimmed the wooden floors

“We need to have Lucas install carpet in here”

“Austin, the floor doesn’t need to get replaced”

He kissed the tip of my nose “I protect what’s mine”

I looked around the closet, still picturing the baby clothes that Austin surprised ave them to me

“Not that one, baby” He grabbed the “You’re all we ever wanted” onesie out of my hands “This is the one ill take her ho down on his knees to kiss my belly

A feeeks after thefor what felt like the ers over the onesies that Austin was so excited to show me All of it was just a painful re home I decided it was best for the both of us if I took all the baby stuff and store it back in the sa it back on the exact shelf where it was in the closet Except this time, it wasn’t empty anymore It now held all of our hopes and dreams inside of it

All of our sadness and despair

It was one of the last times I ever stepped foot back into that roo toward the bed, each step bringing me closer to our truths I sat down on the soft place that contained all our happy memories of the baby we lost

My heart was pounding outall around the roo a deep breath Preparing myself for I don’t knohat or rips with it I re like hell to ease the fear I felt in nore for the last year and a half So I knew exactly what that so was

“He doesn’t lie to you, Briggs, he has never lied to you,” I reassuredmy eyes

Seeing for the first ti lies he told me, and I believed him

Every Last One

Chapter 35

Austin

“Hey,my attention over to him

I placed the order for our dinner and made my way over to the boy’s table

“Have a beer with us,” Lucas said, pulling out the chair next to hiht?”

Jacob handedit down on the table

“Just working,” I simply stated

“Bullshit We’re all fucking working,” Jacob chuckled “And we all have kids Try again, motherfucker”

Dylan narrowed his eyes at me, and I played it off like I didn’t see it

“We’re all fuckin’ adults now We’re not kids, and we’ve all gone through shit,” Dylan added only looking at ments here”

I took another swig ofthe bottle in my lap

“There’s somy head “I wouldn’t even knohere to start”

“How about froested

All eyes were on me

“No one has time for my life story”

“Good, we don't want to hear how fuckin’ borin’ you are What's been going on with Briggs?” Dylan asked

“She was pregnant”

They all jerked back, stunned Dylan followed, “Was?”

“She woke up in a pool of her own blood one night The doctor said it happens a lot I guess I don’t fucking know”

I shrugged like it was no big deal, when it was really tearing attheir stares

“Fuck…” Jacob breathed out “That’s rough to come back from How is she?”

“I don’t even know”

Lucas frowned “What the fuck does that mean?”

“Itasshole Froe, I bla and everything fortimes than I care to count,” I admitted out loud for the first time

I like the piece of shit I kneas

“There’s got to be a reason you feel that way, Austin We’re all fucking assholes Especially that son of a bitch right there” Lucas grinned, angling his beer toward Dylan “We know you love her You’re just as pussy-whipped as we all are”

“Speak for yourself,” Dylan chimed in

“You may not be with Aubrey, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to be Play that card somewhere else, McGraw,” Jacob called him out “But this isn’t about you—”

“Listen, guys, I really appreciate this, but I don’t want to—”

“No shit, Austin You never want to talk about it It’s who you’ve always been How far has that gotten you, huh?” Lucas countered, interrupting me

The words were spilling out of my mouth before I even knew it

“Briggs had a fucking abortion, alright? Happy now? Years ago For reasons I don’t want to get into with you assholes I think a part of iven her for it I love herand I don’t blame her for her choices, but I can’t help the way I feel Her s all that shit back up forto do with the abortion even though I don’t think that’s even physically possible Allselfish, but there isn’t anything I can do to o away So there…”

I drank the rest ofit on the table I stood shocked as shit that I had just shared that I’d never told anyone

“The fact that I even just admitted all of this to you makes e I’m fucked up I’m so fucked up in my head that it’s just a cluster of bullshit in a hollow place I love her ine ”

I took a deep breath, rubbing the back of my neck

“Austin, we’ve all fucked up Especially with our girls You’re human, bro You need to stop punishin’ yourself and just fuckin’ talk to her I know that’s hard for any man, but fuck it,” Dylan advised

“Have you talked to Aubrey? Huh? You forgiven her?” I threw back at him

He winced It was quick, but I saw it

“Exactly” With that I turned and left

I grabbed our dinner order fro to get away fro hell that has lived inside ofI felt every minute of that drive home, down to every last second

My mind racedMy body craved

My heart shattered

By the ti the food on the island table, heading straight for the stairs Taking them three at a time My body ca me the fuck over