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Austin

I tried

I swear to God on our love On Briggs’ life On our unborn babies

I Fucking Tried

I sat there for hours holding her, praying that it would be enough to keep ether To holdfor me, what my mind and body craved After she passed out, I still sat there not wanting to let her go Letting the night’s events play out into understand what it all meant

When I saw the blood in between her legs, it didn’t even register in et her to the eency room to make sure she was okay Not once did I think that it could be our baby The thought never crossed e, my whole life flashed before my eyes

In seconds

And I’ From that moment I felt it

My sobriety

My recovery

My deodda

I ignored it Almost like you did to an itch that needed to be scratched

I thought if I held her If I had her inthat if I relapsed, I could lose her I could lose everything I ever wanted But it didn’t matter because I already felt like I lost another part ofour baby back

I felt guilty for not sharing s that I didn’t want to say out loud, not wanting them to be true That was my first mistake

In the end

The craving won

There I was lying in the sa about the future Planning our lives The very life that included our baby I didn’t get to say goodbye I didn’t get a choice A say

Again

I turned el My whole life was standing in the doorith nothing but disgust and disappointment in her eyes Then it hit me…

The cause was lying in bed li a needle in his hand

Me

Again

Briggs didn’t have to look down at my arm to know, my eyes always told her the truth

“Four years, Austin Four fucking years,” she said her voice breaking “Why? Of all things why did you have to use that one? Or any of them?”

I took in her distress before I simply stated, “I wanted to see her”

She i her head back and forth

“That’s not fair! You cannot play that card every godda curve ball”

“It’s the truth”

Tears streae to coht up in my own misery

“I’ too, Austin You know the real fucked-up part is that I knew this was going to happen The minute you lifted the sheets and saw the blood I couldn’t conte worried about you How is that fair to me? I can’t mourn the death of our baby because of you!”

I watched each one of her tears fall down the sides of her face, one right after the other Playing out in slowinto the wooden floor below

“I’m sorr—”

“Stop, right there I know exactly what you’re going to say ‘I’ht? Did I hit the nail on the head, Austin?”

“Baby, I really a sorry”

She visibly cringed at y, and I knehy I hadn’t said that to her in so da from my lips

“I proain I swear to you I just needed so to cloudLook” I showed her the needle in h for one tiain I can’t”

“Austin, this is the same story, just a different time How can I—”

“I don’t lie to you I’ve never lied to you”

She took a deep breath unsure with how to respond I got up and went to her Backing her against the wall, caging her in with my arms Her eyes instantly went toher chin to look at me instead

We locked eyes even though I kneas the last place she wanted to focus on right now

“Four years, Briggs Four fucking years Trust o of her chin and kissed along her face “Where’s irl? Where’s my Daisy? Hmm”

I could feel her ainst my touch

“I love you ain I promise”

I kissed along her lips, beckoning them to open for me

They did

She letI had, wanting her to feellove for her My hand went to the nook of her neck pulling her closer as ue assaulted hers She let out a softour connection I pecked her lips a fewdown her neck and back up to her lips, kissing her one last time

“You can’t do this to ainst my lips “Please, I can’t—”

I gazed deep into her eyes “Shhh… I’m sorry I love you I made a mistake I proo to ain Please believe me”

Without a word she looked at o because it was the right thing to do Even though it felt so fucking wrong The da back

Only forward

Chapter 34

Austin

It had been a year since Briggsin our lives was the sas alone a lot It was easier to get lost in my art than it was to face reality At first she used to co the distraction, but as the months passed, the less frequent her hours became

She usually just worked a few hours a week and hired Mason, Lucas’s son and Alex’s stepson to work the front desk on the weekends and after school He was fifteen and a punk ass kid who ree A set him in trouble one day and stubborn as shit

“Hey, Moh the door

“Mason… your dad is going to kill you Your report card—”

“Because he loved school so o into the military I don’t need school to be a Marine”

She sighed, and I resisted the urge to chuckle Instead I just smiled and shook my head

“What’s so a me

I shrugged, sitting in ns for clients

“The kid wants to fight for our country, Half-Pint It’s not like he’s saying he wants to join the circus”

“Mason, can you go get me a coffee next door please?” Alex ordered

“Mo to sit here and talk about me I don’t need to leave At least this way I can defend ?”

“Mason…” she warned in her Half-Pint/mom way

Mason ell over six feet tall already, towering over Alex

“This is bullshit,” heto the door

“Mason Ryder!”

“Love you, Mo out of the shop

I started laughing ht there

“What a to d

o with that kid? Lucas is seriously ready to strangle hi her attention back to me

“Look, Half-Pint, his balls dropped He’s going to step up to Lucas eventually It’s a right of passage for every boy” I couldn’t stop laughing “And… kar bitch”