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Norah She’s ten feet away Not looking for ration and she looks entirely alone

It scares me

I recognize it

I a into it, the black of it, the pit of it It screary ry machines

I’ve lostAnd it’s worse because I know I should be going up

Norah Just make your way to Norah

Dev is in my way I try to maneuver around him, and he responds with a fevered shove I shove back He catches my shoulder too hard and I spin out I stumble I bodycheck Norah

She doesn’t laugh She just throws herself right back at me Sla and we’re not s I throhole body at her, full-frontal crash She is all resistance She holds her ground and there we are, no distance now, her face so close it’s almost a blur

“What the fk?” she yells, and it’s notto

Dev’s elbow hits ht there and I’ht at that moment the amps amplify and the music takes on such a pulse that it becomes my heartbeat and her heartbeat and I know it and she knows it and this is the point where we could break apart and that would be it, totally it But I look into her eyes and she looks intohere, the excite what a part of it she is andwhat a part of it I a asaround us are beco, and we are at the center of it, and we are at the center of each other My wrist touches hers right at the point of our pulses, and I swear I can feel it That thru to theher And she is—yes, she is findingin on us and the bassline is revealing everything and we are two people who are part of a lot more people, and at the same time we’re our own part There isn’t loneliness, only this intense twoliness There’s only one way to test it, and that is to dare a o there I find her lips and I ot the fabric of her jacket bunched in a fist and it’s nothing like talking and it’s right there and we’re taking it and taking it and taking it And my eyes are closed and then my eyes are open and I see her eyes are open and there’s a part of her that’s pulling back even as our bodies are pressing and it’s the fear, of course there’s the fear, and I just hold her close to tell her I understand

Lars L launches straight into “Take Me Back, Bitch” and I flinch and Norah sees it and I have no way of saying it’s not her, it’s not now, it’s the ten thousand thens that she has nothing to do with I lean in and kiss her again, the same way that you run to your roo I knoon’t work and it doesn’t work because sos you don’t need to hear in order to hear The mind has an ear of its own and so DJ alive

Now Norah’s yelling “What?” and it is a question for me And then she says the hardest question of all—the one that takes so much hurt and bravery to ask—which is “Why did you stop?” and the bassline is too strong andbattered froainst“I CAN’T TALK TO YOU HERE” and she screaht in her ear and yell “NOT HERE” and then “I CAN’T TALK”

Her hand findsthrough the ru crowd and our arether by that single, pulling clasp I think, If she lets go, it’s all over If I let go, it’s all over And because she is holding on so tight, I hold on so tight I a jostled from all sides—I know there will be bruises tomorrow—but soether We are graced, and we are together, and the twoliness is tru it through Thank you, music Damn you, memories Thank you, present

She looks around, then gets me into a small room to the side of the Laddies’ Rooreen couch in front of a big mirror There’s a priest’s collar thrown over the back of the couch, and plenty of open makeup I expect Norah to look at me mischievously, but instead she looks determined She keeps hold ofand kissing me so hard my lips can barely kiss back

“You,” she says, her hand now leadingover my chest And it’s hot in this s ue, her hips are exploring But her eyes aren’t as adventurous And I don’t know if she’s trying to pullto pull If this is desire, I’ aroused—by the heat of it, the fever of it, the dark—yes, darkness—of it But I can’t lose myself in it because I can’t find where she is, outside of the ainst the wall, and the other hand is under o back down And down And her fingers have found my trail and my hands both press the wall The heat of it, the fever of it…the look in her eyes is uns and I just want it and I just can’t do it and she’s reaching down and down and as she touches , even my name, but she doesn’t and suddenly I can’t I want to be sure, and I’m not sure, and I say no, because I want her to be sure and I just can’t be sure that she is She kisses ain and strokes a little and this tiot to stop it before so on here and I let go of her hand and her other hand stops and even though I aainst a wall, I pull away