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“WHERE’S FLUFFY!” Dev shouts He pats my back in excitement then raises his arms like he’s Rocky “WHERE’S FUCKING FLUFFY!”
Exactly This was the reaction I expected from Nick when I told him about the show I ht now, na nation oblivious to the fking terror its leaders wreak on the rest of the world because they’re too busy worrying if their catWhere’s Fluffy can actually play instead of just wail like fking pop-punk goof-offs They sing everything right about everything wrong—they’ll come on pro-NRA, anti-choice, ho for Where’s Fluffy are the real deal, and if there is anything between me and Nick, it will be determined when the show starts, if we’re front and center in ju and shouting “oi oi oi” at all the right moments, in sync So to speak
The mosh pit will reveal all the answers The mosh pit never lies
9 NICK
Things are going so well We’re volleying words back and forth Everything she says, I have so, and part ofNot because a part ofinto a part of her But because our words are clicking into each other to for into each other to forether to for movie that’s as comfortable as it is unrehearsed
I know she’s holding back a little I know she keeps shooting et too close to her answers That’s fine Who is she, really? Fuck if I know But I care Yeah, I’ to care
The club is really packed now, filled with that pre-gig mix of anticipation and extreme impatience Dev is so completely Dev and ramps himself over to us to lead the WHERE THE FUCK IS FLUFFY? cheer Tony/i/é coear I look at Norah and alone But I don’t want to push it
It’s pretty cool to be in the realuys and all I’ on their stage is a bit of a rush I’ FUCK-SHIT-COCK and the crowd is looking at e, and if it wasn’t for the presence of a gloweringsome head-meet-bottle moments And it would almost be worth it It’s not often that you can shed blood for one of your favorite bands
It’s all so fking surreal And suddenly I’, but it’s not the kind of thought that’s a choice Where’s Fluffy was the second shoent to, and the sixth, and the eleventh, and the fourteenth She’d never heard of theht to see thee but not underambitious She was so skeptical of bands she’d never heard of—like she couldn’t get a buzz if there hadn’t been soot it on the first song and wasn’t afraid to show it She whooped and hacksawed and knifed up and hair-flailed nonstop for the full 110 rpuys were hot,” and I was so entirely jealous of theht now” and I beca to happen
But that wasn’t all I’, and she just stopped for aat me And I screamed, “What?” and she screamed back, “You have to stop that,” and I screao farther than that” And at first I didn’t get it, but then I realized that she was right; I wasn’t givingat the people around le note “Just let go,” she yelled And at first I couldn’t, since I was so grounded in the trying But then the band launched into “Dead Voter” and for the first ti but the chords I didn’t think about Tris—she had hidden herself behind the song, orchestrating it all After ere done, sweat-glazed and panting, we didn’t have to say a fking word We just looked at each other and there was this recognition She’d pushed rateful
I look at the crowd for a ain I know she’s there so out with sole synapse connecting a thought of me
“Wake the fk up!” soe says I realize that my hands have fallen idle Like I can’t think of Tris and do anything else at the same time Which is such a lie
I finish the connections The hts dim I head off, but not before I catch the nod of Evan E, Fluffy’s drummer I smile and nod back, then press back into the crowd I’ve lost track of Norah, lost sight of where our table used to be All the tables have been shoved aside now
Fuse: lit
Fuse: burning
Ready
Set
Explode
The guitars rae The drums batter Owen O snarls bastardizations at the world A bell rings and Pavlov’s dog has a fking seizure on the dance floor Since I’roup of people can beco out exactly the right clothes doesn’tat clothes or poses It’s about force and pulse and unleashing the gigantic urges I a through this huh this bright, bright darkness to figure out who the fk I’ for, and why