page16 (1/2)

te put the pill on her tongue, take a swig of water to s it "If you were Hercules," he says, "you'd already be dead"

Brian and I slide into our respective chairs in Dr Chance's office Five years have passed, but the seats fit like an old baseball glove Even the photographs on the oncologist's desk have not changed--his wife is wearing the same broad-brie six, holding a speckled trout--contributing to the feeling that in spite of what I believed, we never really left here

The ATRA worked For a month, Kate reverted to molecular remission And then a CBC turned up more promyelocytes in her blood

"We can keep pulsing her with ATRA," Dr Chance says, "but I think that its failure already tells us she's maxed out that course"

"What about a bone marrow transplant?"

"That's a risky call--particularly for a child who still isn't showing symptoms of a full-blown clinical relapse" Dr Chance looks at us "There's so else we can try first It's called a donor lymphocyte infusion--a DLI Sometimes a transfusion of white blood cells froinal clone of cord blood cells fight the leuke the front line"

"Will it put her into remission?" Brian asks

Dr Chance shakes his head "It's a stop-gap ed relapse--but it buys time to build up her defenses before we have to rush into a ressive treatment"

"And how long will it take to get the lymphocytes here?" I ask

Dr Chance turns toin Anna?"

When the elevator doors open there is only one other person inside it, a horocery bags filled with rags "Close the doors, dammit," he yells as soon as we step inside "Can't you see I'm blind?"

I push the button for the lobby "I can take Anna in after school Kindergarten gets out at noon tomorrow"

"Don't touch rowls

"I didn't," I answer, distant and polite

"I don't think you should," Brian says

"I'm nowhere near him!"

"Sara, I meant the DLI I don't think you should take Anna in to donate blood"

For no reason at all, the elevator stops on the eleventh floor, then closes again

The hos "When we had Anna," I re to be a donor for Kate"

"Once And she doesn't have anythat to her"

I wait until he looks at ive blood for Kate?"

"Jesus, Sara, what kind of question--"

"I would, too I'd give her half my heart, for God's sake, if it helped You do whatever you have to, when it coht?" Brian ducks his head, nods "What makes you think that Anna would feel any different?"

The elevator doors open, but Brian and I re at each other From the back, the ho in his arh we stand in utter silence "Can't you tell that I'm deaf?"

To Anna, it is a holiday Her ets to hold both of our hands the whole way across the parking lot So what if we're going to a hospital?

I have explained to her that Kate isn't feeling good, and that the doctors need to take soive it to Kate to h information

We wait in the exas of pterodactyls and T-Rexes "Today at snack Ethan said that the dinosaurs all died because they got a cold," Anna says, "but no one believed him"

Brian grins "Why do you think they died?"

"Because, duh, they were a million years old" She looks up at him "Did they have birthday parties back then?"

The door opens, and the he Mom, you want to hold her on your lap?"

So I crawl onto the table and settle Anna in rab Anna's shoulder and elbow and keep it immobilized "You ready?" the doctor asks Anna, who is still s

And then she holds up a syringe

"It's only a little stick," the doctor pro Her arrab hold of her Over her screaht you told her!"

The doctor, who's left the roo, returns with several nurses in tow "Kids and phlebotomy never mix well," she says, as the nurses slide Anna off my lap and soothe her with their soft hands and softer words "Don't worry; we're pros"

It is a deja vu, just like the day Kate was diagnosed Be careful what you wish for, I think Anna is just like her sister

I'irls' room when the handle of the Electrolux slass breaks, but it takeshimself dry on the carpet beneath Kate's desk

"Hang on, buddy," I whisper, and I flip him into the bowl I fill it ater from the bathroom sink

He floats to the top Don't, I think Please

I sit down on the edge of the bed How can I possibly tell Kate I've killed her fish? Will she notice if I run to the pet store and get a replacement?

Suddenly Anna is next to arten "Mo?"

I open ue But at that oldfish shudders sideways, dives, and starts to swiain "There," I say "He's fine"

When five thousand lyh, Dr Chance calls for ten thousand Anna's appointment for a second donor lyyree to let her go for a little while, and then drive to the hospital froym

The girl is a sugar-spun princess with fairy-white hair, a tiny replica of her mother As I slip off my shoes to trek across the padded floor, I try desperately to remember their names The child isMallory And the aret?

I spot Anna right away, sitting on the trampoline as an instructor bounces them up and down like popcorn Theon her face like a row of Christhts "You must be Anna's mom I'm Mittie," she says "I'm so sorry she has to leave, but of course, we understand It o"

The hospital? "Well, just hope you never have to do the same"

"Oh, I know I get dizzy going up an elevator" She turns to the trampoline "Anna, honey! Your mother's here!"

Anna barrels across the padded floor This is exactly what I'd wanted to do toroom when the kids were all s for protection And yet it turned out that I could have rolled Kate in bubble wrap, the danger for her was already under the skin

"What do you say?" I prompt, and Anna thanks Mallory's mother

"Oh, you're welco of treats "Now, have your husband call us anytime We'd be happy to take Anna while you're in Texas"

Anna hesitates in the middle of a shoelace knot "Mittie?" I ask, "what exactly did Anna tell you?"

"That she had to leave early so your whole fa starts in Houston, you won't see theht"

"The flight?"

"On the space shuttle?"

For a moment I am stunned--that Anna would make up such a ridiculous story, that this woman would believe it "I'm not an astronaut," I confess "I don't knohy Anna would even say so like that"

I pull Anna to her feet, one shoelace still untied Dragging her out of the gymnasium, we reach the car before I say a word "Why did you lie to her?"

Anna scowls "Why did I have to leave the party?"

Because your sister is more important than cake and ice cream; because I cannot do this for her; because I said so

I'ry that I have to try twice before I can unlock the van "Stop acting like a five-year-old," I accuse, and then I remember that's exactly what she is

"It was so hot," Brian says, "a silver tea set melted Pencils were bent in half"

I look up from the newspaper "How did it start?"

"Cat and dog chasing each other, when the owners were on vacation They turned on a Jenn-Air range" He peels his jeans doinces "I got second-degree burns just kneeling on the roof"

His skin is raw, blistered I watch hiabout a rookie nicknamed Caesar who just joined their company But my eyes are drawn to the advice column in the newspaper: