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s not because they enjoy solitude It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them "Then why are you here?"

"Because you know all the words to 'American Pie,'" Campbell said "Because when you smile, I can almost see that tooth on the side that's crooked" He stared at me "Because you're not like anyone I've ever met"

"Do you love me?" I whispered

"Didn't I just say that?"

This time, when I reached for the buttons of his jeans, he didn't ined he would leave a scar Unlike me, he knehat to do He kissed and slipped, pushed, cracked me wide Then he went perfectly still "You didn't say you were a virgin," he said

"You didn't ask"

But he'd assuan to move inside ravestone behind me, words I could see in my mind's eye: Nora Deane, b 1832, d 1838

"Jewel," he whispered, when it was over "I thought"

"I knohat you thought" I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same

I blame Campbell Alexander entirely forto admit, but I have only had sex with three and a half other reat improvement on my first experience

"Let ht "The first was a rebound The second was married"

"How'd you know?"

He laughed "Because you're a cliche"

I swirledthe finger look split and crooked "The other one was fro instructor"

"That must have been hile," Seven said

"He was absolutely gorgeous," I answered "And had a dick the size of a cocktail frank"

"Ouch"

"Actually," I mused, "you couldn't feel it at all"

Seven grinned "So he was the half?"

I turned beet red "No, that was souy I don't know his name," I adht like this one"

"You," Seven pronounced, "are a train wreck of sexual history"

But this is inaccurate A runaway train is an accident Me, I'll jump in front of the tracks I'll even tie ine There's soical part of me that still believes if you want Super

Kate Fitzgerald is a ghost just waiting to happen Her skin is nearly translucent, her hair so fair it bleeds into the pillowcase "How are you doing, baby?" Brian murmurs, and he leans down to kiss her on the forehead

"I think I ht have to blow off the Ironman competition," Kate jokes

Anna is hovering at the door in front of ement Anna needs to crawl up on Kate's esture fro at the threshold "Brian," she says, "what is she doing here?"

I wait for Brian to explain, but he doesn't seem inclined to utter a word So I paste a s better today, and I thought it ood time to talk to her"

Kate struggles to her elbows "Who are you?"

I expect a fight from Sara, but it is Anna who speaks up "I don't think it's such a good idea," she says, although she knows this is the very reason I've come here "I mean, Kate's still pretty sick"

It takes me a moment, but then I understand: in Anna's life, everyone who ever talks to Kate takes Kate's side She is doing what she can to keep

"You know, Anna's right," Sara hastily adds "Kate's only just turned a corner"

I place my hand on Anna's shoulder "Don't worry" Then I turn to her --"

Sara cuts me off "Ms Romano, could we have a word outside?"

We step into the hallway, and Sara waits for a nurse to pass with a Styrofoam tray of needles "I knohat you think of me," she says

"Mrs Fitzgerald--"

She shakes her head "You're sticking up for Anna, and you should I practiced law once, and I understand It's your job, and part of that is figuring out what makes us us" She rubs her forehead with one fist "My job is to take care of hters One of them is extremely ill, and the other one's extreured out yet, butI do know that Kate won't get better any quicker if she finds out that the reason you're here is because Anna hasn't withdrawn her lawsuit yet So I' you not to tell her, either Please"

I nod slowly, and Sara turns to go back into Kate's room With her hand on the door, she hesitates "I love both of them," she says, an equation I am supposed to be able to solve

I told Seven the Bartender that true love is felonious

"Not if they're over eighteen," he said, shutting the till of the cash register

By then the bar itself had beco up my first "You take someone's breath away," I stressed "You rob thele word" I tipped the neck of the empty liquor bottle toward him "You steal a heart"

He wiped up in front of e would toss that case out on its ass"

"You'd be surprised"

Seven spread the rag out on the brass bar to dry "Sounds like a misdemeanor, if you ask me"

I rested my cheek on the cool, damp wood "No way," I said "Once you're in, it's for life"

Brian and Sara take Anna down to the cafeteria It leaves ine that the nuly left her side is so the family make some decisions about her health care

"Ethics coal department? You look like a lawyer"

"What does a lawyer look like?"

"Kind of like a doctor, when he doesn't want to tell you what your labs say"

I pull up a chair "Well, I' better today"

"Yeah Apparently yesterday I was pretty out of it," Kate says "Doped up enough to make Ozzy and Sharon look like Ozzie and Harriet"

"Do you knohere you stand, ht now?"

Kate nods "After ood, because it kicks the leukemia's butt, but it also does soave me steroids and cyclosporine to control it, and that worked, but it also ency flavor of the oes--fix one leak in the dike just in ti is always falling apart in me"

She says this rilled her about the weather or what's on the hospital ists about a kidney transplant, if she has any particular feelings about undergoing so many different, painful treat me to ask, which is probably why the question that comes out of my mouth is corow up?"

"No one ever asks oing to grow up?"

"Whatall this?"

Just when I think she isn't going to answer oes up, a weak arabesque "You knohat ballerinas have?"

Eating disorders, I think

"Absolute control When it co to happen, and when" Kate shrugs, co back to this moment, this hospital room "Anyway," she says

"Tell me about your brother"

Kate starts to laugh "You haven't had the pleasure of uess"

"Not yet"

"You can pretty much form an opinion about Jesse in the first thirty seconds you spend with hiets into a lot of bad stuff he shouldn't"

"You s, alcohol?"