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tion for his safety in this universe Then: "Mom? Do you have a favorite number?"

"Thirty-one," I tell him This is my due date "How about you?"

"Nine Because it can be a nu on its head" He pauses only long enough to take a breath "Mom? Do we have special scissors to cut meat?"

"We do" I take a right and drive past a cemetery, headstones canted forward and back like a set of yellowed teeth

"Moo?"

The question, just as innocent as any of the others Jesse would ask, o weak I pull the car over and put on hts Then I unbuckle my seat belt and turn around "No, Jess," I tell hi with us"

"Mr and Mrs Fitzgerald?" the producer says "This is where we'll put you"

We sit down on the set at the TV studio We've been invited here because of our baby's unorthodox conception Soly become the poster children for scientific debate

Brian reaches for my hand as we are approached by Nadya Carter, the reporter for the newsazine "We're just about ready I've already taped an intro about Kate All I' to do is ask you a few questions, and we'll be finished before you know it"

Just before the ca, Brian wipes his cheeks on the sleeve of his shirt The hts, oing on national TV wearing blush"

The camera comes to life with far less ceremony than I've expected, just a little hus

"Mr Fitzgerald," Nadya says, "can you explain to us why you chose to visit a geneticist in the first place?"

Brian looks at ressive forested we find a bone enetic ht donor coht itof Kate's matched up"

"A sibling," Nadya says, "who doesn't exist"

"Not yet," Brian replies

"What eneticist?"

"Ti babies year after year until one was a match for Kate The doctor was able to screen several embryos to see which one, if any, would be the ideal donor for Kate We were lucky enough to have one out of four--and it was ih IVF"

Nadya looks down at her notes "You've received hate mail, haven't you?"

Brian nods "People seener baby"

"Aren't you?"

"We didn't ask for a baby with blue eyes, or one that would grow to be six feet tall, or one that would have an IQ of two hundred Sure, we asked for specific characteristics--but they're not anything anyone would ever consider to be model human traits They're just Kate's traits We don't want a superbaby; we just want to save our daughter's life"

I squeeze Brian's hand God, I love him

"Mrs Fitzgerald, ill you tell this baby when she grows up?" Nadya asks

"With any luck," I say, "I'll be able to tell her to stop bugging her sister"

I go into labor on New Year's Eve The nurse taking care ofabout the signs of the sun "This one, she's gonna be a Capricorn," Emelda says as she rubs my shoulders

"Is that good?"

"Oh, Capricorns, they get the job done"

Inhale, exhale "Goodtoknow," I tell her

There are two other babies being born One wo to make it to 1991 The New Year's Baby is entitled to packs of free diapers and a 100 savings bond froe education

When E us alone, Brian reaches for my hand "You okay?"

I grih another contraction "I'd be better if this was over"

He shter, a routine hospital delivery is so a train wreck, or if I was laboring in the back of a taxi--

"I knohat you're thinking," he interrupts, although I haven't said a word out loud, "and you're wrong" He lifts my hand, kisses the knuckles

Suddenly an anchor unspools inside me The chain, thick as a fist, twists in et the doctor"

My OB colances up at the clock "If you can hold on a onna be born famous," he says, but I shake my head

"Get it out," I tell him "Now"

The doctor looks at Brian "Tax deduction?" he guesses

I a to do with the IRS The baby's head slips through the seal of eous cord free of her neck, delivers her shoulder by shoulder

I struggle toon below "The umbilical cord," I remind him "Be careful" He cuts it, beautiful blood, and hurries it out of the rooenically preserved until Kate is ready for it

Day Zero of Kate's pre-transplant regi after Anna is born I coy We are both wearing yellow isolation gowns, and this h "Mommy," she says, "we match"

She has been given a pediatric cocktail for sedation, and under any other circumstance, this would be funny Kate can't find her own feet Every time she stands up, she collapses It strikes ets drunk on peach schnapps for the first tie; and then I quickly reht never be that old

When the therapist co "Honey," Brian says, "it's gonna be fine"

She shakes her head and burrows closer When I crouch down, she throws herself into my arms "I won't take my eyes off you," I promise

The roole murals painted on the walls The linear accelerators are built into the ceiling and a pit below the treatment table, which is little more than a canvas cot covered with a sheet The radiation therapist places thick lead pieces shaped like beans onto Kate's chest and tells her not to move She promises that when it's all over, Kate can have a sticker

I stare at Kate through the protective glass wall Gas you cannot see coh to kill you

There is a Murphy's Law to oncology, one which is not written anywhere but held in widespread belief: if you don't get sick, you won't get well Therefore, if your chemo makes you violently ill, if radiation sears your skin--it's all good On the other hand, if you sail through therapy quickly with only negligible nausea or pain, chances are the drugs have so their job

By this criterion, Kate should surely be cured by now Unlike last year's cheirl who didn't even have a runny nose and has turned her into a physical wreck Three days of radiation has caused constant diarrhea, and put her back into a diaper At first, this embarrassed her; now she is so sick she doesn't care The following five days of che at a suction tube as if it is a life preserver When she is awake, all she does is cry

Since Day Six, when Kate's white blood cell and neutrophil counts began to pluerht kill her now; for this reason, the world is made to keep its distance Visitors to her room are restricted, and those who are allowed in look like spaceowned and loves No plants or flowers are permitted, because they carry bacteria that could kill her Any toy given to her must be scrubbed doith antiseptic solution first She sleeps with her teddy bear, sealed in a Ziploc bag, which rustles all night and sometimes wakes her up

Brian and I sit outside the anteroo injections to an orange After the transplant Kate will need growth factor shots, and the chore will fall to e under the thick skin of the fruit, until I feel the soft give of tissue underneath The drug I will be giving is subcutaneous, injected just under the skin I need tothe proper amount of pressure The speed hich you push the needle down can cause e, of course, doesn't cry when IKate won't feel much different

Brian picks up a second orange and begins to peel it "Put that down!"

"I'ry" He nods at the fruit in ot a patient"

"For all you know that was someone else's God knohat it's doped up with"

Suddenly Dr Chance turns the corner and approaches us Donna, an oncology nurse, walks behind hi filled with crimson liquid "Drum roll," she says

I put down e, follow them into the anteroohter Withinto a pole, and connects the drip to Kate's central line It is so anticlimactic that Kate doesn't even wake up I stand on one side, as Brian goes to the other I hold my breath I stare down at Kate's hips, the iliac crest, where bone h soo into Kate's bloodstreaht spot