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"I just--"

She holds up her hand like the privacy partition in a cab She shakes her head

On the backseat, I slide sideways and curlto the rear, so that all I see is black

"Brian," ain"

When alk in, my mother steams past Kate, who opened the door for us, and past Jesse, who is watching what looks like the scrambled Playboy channel on TV In the kitchen, she opens cabinets and bangs theerator and smacks it onto the table

"Hey," ?"

She ignores hi into the kitchen "What happened?"

"What happened Well" My aze "Why don't you ask your sister what happened?"

Kate turns to me, all eyes

"A," my mother says

Jesse turns off the television "She e? Damn, Anna"

My ood time for you to leave"

"You don't have to ask lass We hear the front door open and shut, a whole story

"Sara" My father steps into the room "We all need to cool off a little"

"I have one child who's just signed her sister's death sentence, and I'm supposed to cool off?"

The kitchen gets so silent we can hear the refrigerator whispering Mylike too-ripe fruit, and when they fall on the floor and burst, she shudders intotoward my sister, her arms already outstretched "Kate, I shouldn't have said that It's not what I meant"

Ine ought to and note do Kate covers her mouth with her hand She backs out of the kitchen door, bu into my father, who fumbles but cannot catch her as she scrambles upstairs I hear the door to our roooes after her

So I do what I do best I move in the opposite direction

Is there any place on earth that smells better than a Laundroet out frorass your father's just mowed--comfort food for your nose When I was little my mom would take hot clothes out of the dryer and du on the couch I used to pretend they were a single skin, that I was curled tight beneath thee heart

The other thing I like is that Laundrouy passed out on a bank of chairs in the back, with army boots and a T-shirt that says Nostradah a heap ofback tears Put ten people together in a Laundromat and chances are you won't be the one who's worst off

I sit down across from a bank of washers and try toThe pink panties and lace nightgown belong to the girl who is reading a romance novel The woolly red socks and checkered shirt are the skanky sleeping student The soccer jerseys and kiddie overalls co filmy white dryer sheets to her mom, oblivious on a cell phone What kind of person can afford a cell phone, but not her oasher and dryer?

I play a gaine what it would be like to be the person whose clothes are spinning in front ofthose carpenter jeans,and ht be on break fro If I owned that satin cape, I ht have season tickets to the ballet And then I try to picture s and I can't All I can ever see isto the next

Kate and I are Siamese twins; you just can't see the spot where we're connected Which makes separation that much more difficult

When I look up the girl orks the Laundro and blue streaked dreadlocks "You need change?" she asks

To tell you the truth, I'm afraid to hear my own answer

JESSE

I AM THE KID WHO PLAYED with erator, take thenites, did you know that? Spill it, strike, and you can set fire to the floor It burns blue, and when the alcohol is gone, it stops

Once, Anna walked in on me when I was in the bathroom "Hey," I said "Check this out" I dribbled some Jean Nate on the floor, her initials Then I torched the like a tattletale, but instead she sat right down on the edge of the bathtub She reached for the bottle of Jean Nate, ain

Anna is the only proof I have that I was born into this family, instead of dropped off on the doorstep by soht On the surface, we're polar opposites Under the skin, though, we're the sa, and they're alrong

Fuck theht to have that tattooed on ht it Usually I aive out Today, I' ninety-five down 95 I weave in and out of traffic, sewing up a scar People yell at er

It would solve a thousand problems if I rolled the Jeep over an eht about it, you know On an donor, but the truth is I'd consider being an organ martyr I'm sure I'm worth a lot more dead than alive--the suht wind up walking around with s, even et stuck hatever it is in me that passes for a heart

To et all the way to the exit without a scratch I peel off the ra Allens Avenue There's an underpass there where I know I'll find Duracell Dan He's a homeless dude, Vietna batteries that people toss into the trash What the hell he does with them, I don't know He opens thees for all its operatives in Energizer double-As, that the FBI sticks to Evereadys

Dan and I have a deal: I bring him a McDonald's Value Meal a few times a week, and in return, he watches over y book that he considers hishi Mac "What's up?"

He squints atAquarius" He stuffs a fry into his otten out of bed"

If Dan has a bed, it's news to me "Sorry about that," I say "Got my stuff?"

He jerks his head to the barrels behind the concrete pylon where he keeps s The perchloric acid filched froh school is intact; in another barrel is the sawdust I hike the stuffed pillowcase underat the door "Thanks"

He leans against the car, won't let e for you"

Even though everything that comes out of Dan's mouth is total bullshit, my stomach rolls over "Who did?"

He looks down the road, then back atcloser, he whispers, "Think twice"

"That was the e?"

Dan nods "Yeah It was that, or Drink twice I can't be sure"

"That advice I ht actually listen to" I shove hihter than you'd think, like whatever was inside hi, it's a wonder I don't float off into the sky "Later," I tell hi

I look for places like otten by most everyone This one's in the Olneyville area At one tie facility for an export business Now, it's pretty h away that no one would think twice about my car I stuff the pillowcase of sawdust under my jacket and take off

It turns out that I learned so fro into places they shouldn't be It doesn't takeout where I want to start I cut a hole in the bottom of the pillowcase and let the sawdust draw three fat initials, JBF Then I take the acid and dribble it over the letters

This is the first time I've done it in the middle of the day

I take a pack of Merits out of my pocket and tamp them down, then stick one into hter fluid; I need to reet to arette into the sawdust I know this one's going towhen the wall of fire rises behind me Like all the others, they will look for clues But this cigarette and one The whole floor underneath theive

The first engine reaches the scene just as I get back to my car and pull the binoculars out of my trunk By then, the fire's done what it wants to--escape Glass has blown out of s; smoke rises black, an eclipse

The first ti at the kitchen , pretending that she wasn't The sun was just co?" I asked It was not until years later that I realized I had heard her answer all wrong That when she saidabout the time of day

The sky, now, is thick and dark with smoke Sparks shower as the roof falls in A second crew of firefighters arrives, the ones who have been called in fro roo on the back of his turnout coat like it's spelled in diaed line, and I get into my car and drive away