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I’d later learn from her teacher that she’d faltered on a sequence of steps, soly messed with Julia’s head

From e could tell afterward, e discussed it in the aftermath, the mistakes threw her completely

I watched with horror as she stuave little intakes of breath as she righted herself and pushed through into her next ernails curled into the arms of my chair

And then it happened

Julia had a difficult move where she was supposed to lower her front outstretched arround in high arabesque I knew fro about it that it took a lot of core control and strength

My stomach flipped as she teetered, lost balanceand fell

I wanted to cry as I watchedhorrified and broken

When she showed no signs of , one of the other dancers rushed over to her She didn’t seem to hear her Her dance partner, Micah, picked her up and hurried offstage with her

I was vaguely aware of the ru out of the theater to pay attention

I had to get to my sister

Heart pounding, I rushed through the back hallways of the theater, pushing past people to get toroom

I barged inside, the door sla shut behind me, but she wasn’t there

Fear, this inexplicable fear, grippedthe door back open But as I stepped out I fell,

My body sla solid, but I didn’t feel any pain

Until I opened my eyes

I was in my parents’ basement

No

They’d never h they should have

So I’d never returned to the basement

Until now

That fear I’d been feeling paralyzed me

But then I heard this ominous creak

Not wanting to, but needing to, I turned slowly around

And my whole world shattered

The creak ca of the base it creak with movement

I stared at the rope around her neck, at the blue around her lips

And I screamed

I screamed and screamed until my voice couldn’t screa in my head

“Jessica”

I flinched at the voice

No

NO

NO, NO, NO!

I squeezedhis breath on my ear

“Now she’s ood,” he whispered

My eyes flew open

I stared up at the ceiling of the roowhere I was, that I was safe

That years had passed

Tears stungwith adrenaline frohtmare

Part htmare,” I whispered

Picking up my phone on the bedside table, I lit it up: 4:44 am And the datethe anniversary of Julia’s death

Like clockwork My nightmares were like clockwork

My sister committed suicide a number of weeks after the perfor into the School of American Ballet

I was hoe and I found her in my parents’ basement

Every year since, on the anniversary of her death, I had the sahtmare

And usually for a week or so after, I’d have that nightht

I thought of Cooper

If I spent the day ahead with hi all day I could convince him I was tired and that we could see each other the next day

Having never slept in the same bed as anyone before Cooper, I didn’t know if Ithe bad dreams I should avoid Cooper completely until it passed

Yet, to my surprise, I didn’t want to

I wanted to go to bed with hi safe

Maybe with hihtmares would disappear

I illing to chance it, hoping that his presence would chase away host

“You know I love you the best, right?” I heard her say I heard her say it all the time

“I love you the best, too,” I whispered into the dark of my room

TWENTY-TWO

Cooper

Her whi hihts she’d spent in his bed

Just as Cooper was opening his eyes he felt the bed shake with her legs thrashing

“No,” shehis chest

He sat up and quickly turned on the lamp on his bedside table The room was illuht sheen of sweat and her face was contorted in agony as she whiuished noes

“Jess” He curled over her, his hands tight on her biceps as he spoke into her ear “Jess, wake up”

When she didn’t immediately, Cooper shook her a little, and her eyes suddenly popped open They were rimmed with red, like she hadn’t slept at all

This was getting out of hand

“Coop,” shefast like she’d been running

He pushed her sweat-soaked hair off her face “Another one” uo;d later learn from her teacher that she’d faltered on a sequence of steps, soly messed with Julia’s head