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I wished that I hadn’t spent years building so ainst the pain of the past that it was almost impossible now for me to face it

I wished that I were brave enough to tell him all about it

To tell hi to save the one I loved

An extraordinary and terrible thing

TWENTY-ONE

Jessica

Thethe dancer onstage into the air I watched her,with pride

Julia

The happiness, the relief, the overwhelrab hold of her, surprised me It was as if I hadn’t seen her in years instead of weeks

I felt tears in ic story, with her whole body SheOdette

No one could look away from her

My urgent need to see her, hold her, pulled me out of the spell, and I sat i for the curtains to fall for the end of the first act

I foundtheir annoyed e Julia had left word to allowto weave through the dancers in the corps toroom

I took a huge breath when I got to it,

Why did it feel like I hadn’t seen her in forever?

“Jules?” I said softly, as I opened the door

“Come in”

Pain scored deep across my chest at the sound of her voice

I felt like weeping with agonized joy

Inside the s roo that inside the shoes they were red and hard I winced I didn’t kno she’d put up with the pain over the years

Julia floated toward me

That was how it seemed to me

That was how it had seemed to me for years

Ballerinas walked differently froht backed It was confident, regal, strong So incredibly strong

My eyes roamed over my beautiful sister She had soft features like me but hers were buttonlike Button nose Rosebud lips The only si hazel eyes

But the softness of her face, the vulnerability in her round eyes, was in opposition to the strength in her body There wasn’t an ounce of fat on my sister’s body She was incredibly slim, every limb shaped by muscle

Julia had the strongest body of anyone I knew

Afterwellshe becaed as the er

But I only had to look deep in her eyes to know her soul eak and hurting behind its steel cage

I pushed the thought out of hed and immediately held e of twelve It was a running joke between us that I was technically her little sister and not the other way around

I felt inexplicable anguish choke htened

“Hey” She squeezed me back “Are you okay?”

“You’re beautiful up there, that’s all,” I said, pulling back to e makeup I frowned “You should take that stuff off as soon as your performance ends”

She grinned and nodded, pulling away to look into the mirror to check that her makeup and hair were still in place Once her back was turned to me she asked, “Are Mom and Dad here?”

Anger, hurt, and disappoints chafed as I said, “No, sweetheart Not this time But Aunt Theresa is”

Our parents had never been very involved in our lives, but we both knew they were proud of Julia because they’d actually attended soest perforht that people from the School of American Ballet were in the audience This was Julia’s audition for the school of her dreams

I wanted to tell her I was sorry our parents couldn’t get their heads out of their asses to be there to support her, but I knew that would only make her feel worse At least we had Theresa, my mother’s little sister She was always there for us, even when our parents weren’t

Julia turned tohere I kno busy you are at school”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world”

“I know” She rushed toward ht?”

I held her tighter “I love you the best, too” I reluctantly et back to my seat”

She squeezed et in?”

Hearing the anxiety in her voice always made me uneasy Part of me hated that she was so consurateful that it had been the thing to get her through her trauma “I know it”

She gave rin and I left her to prepare

Ignoring the scowls from the people I’d pushed by earlier, I took ain and waited anxiously for the curtain to go back up I wished I kneho the heck were the representatives from the ballet school

My heart fluttering in ain and the second act started

Julia was a perfect ballerina

I had no doubt of that

So I didn’t expect it

I didn’t see it co so ainst the pain of the past that it was almost impossible now for me to face it