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"Whatever" I wave a disossip anyht beco

Nateto head home; it’s alh hell and back with you, Cain I owe you everything But I’hosts and punish yourself for shit you can’t change--shit that happened years ago and wasn’t your fault

"Do you reht we opened this place? You sat in that chair, pissed out of your skull, watching an old surveillance video of Penny onstage, proirl like her, you’d do things differently You wouldn’t sit back and make excuses Hell, you said you’d walk away from this business in a heartbeat if you could just have another chance"

I think back to that night I re after downing half a bottle of cognac Then I re the frozen screen shot of Penny’s face on theto down the other half of the bottle But I sure as hell don’t re any of that

Nate doesn’t wait forwith Charlie"

"This is nothing like--"

"It’s the exact sa!" Nate rarely raises his voice but, when he does, it reminds me that he’s not the scrawny little kid I knew back in South Central "You knew you wanted Penny and you waited, giving excuse after excuse as to why you weren’t good enough, why she deserved better, why you’d be taking advantage of her Playing a fking martyr And then you finally made a move, when she was on her way to the altar!" His voice suddenly quiets because he knows his words have already pummeled me and his next ones will kick s silent and heavy in the room Nate has hit old wounds that closed over but never truly healed I should have swept Penny off her feet the second she walked through " by staying back I figured I’d wait Wait until she got out of this business, until she was no longer working for me, and then er beather with flowers and ro her feel as special as I wanted to As I should have He proposed to her within four ht train but still, I held ive her a life I couldn’t She deserved a white picket fence and a respectable father for her babies I was a fking strip club oith a cargo plane’s worth of skeletons

The night she ca weekend and she wouldn’t be coer--I was in love with her and I selfishly wanted her for uts I dropped toher not to ive ! It all just tu her how I felt sooner, cried that she couldn’t do that to Roger, that he was good to her and it would wreck hi into ht in my office, for the first and last tier will ever know exactly what happened the next night The video surveillance showed her working her last shift with a sad smile Everyone assumed it was because she would miss the friends she had made I couldn’t face her, and so I hid inht Penny and Roger in a whispered conversation By the tears in her eyes and the repeated "I’, as if trying to take it off, I have a good idea what they were talking about

Why she decided to do it then, at the bar, I’ll never know

I wish I had been out there I wish Nate had been closer I wish I had swept her off her feet in the first four seconds that she walked into s

I wish I’d known that Roger had one hell of a temper

"You’re scared,stare fixed on etting hurt again That’s why you’re letting Charlie play this little ga the leap You think avoiding the conversation will soot news for you, Cain You’re already hung up on that girl You can’t focus on anything else when she’s in the building It took ht and you were standing right besideCharlie and Ginger react to sohing before, but tonight she did I was desperate to knoas so funny, and bitter that it was Ben h like that and notto do with ht and she ement for me, but I saw the fear in her eyes when I laid outfor And I also saw the confusion because, despite her upco thefor me Whether she wanted to or not "Doesn’t Charlie deserve someone normal?"

"You mean like a nice, quiet pluround?" His words stab me in the chest as he turns and sloalks toward the door again "Make it easier on everyone, including yourself, Cain Tell Charlie whatever you feel you need to about yourself Or don’t tell her anything about your past, because it’s the past and I don’t think it matters as much as you think it does Either way, hteen

CHARLIE

"Charlie!" I hear Ginger’s voice yell out overto see her holding a phone out

The new burner phone I picked up fro off my hair dryer, I smooth my expression as I take it fro "unknown caller," soer has answered

I feel the blood drain froer explains, though by her drawn brow and hesitant tone, I think she’s wondering if maybe that was a mistake

I’d love to tell her that she sure as hell shouldn’t have gone intothe rising bubble of panic, I say, "Thanks, Ginger I’ll be out in a second"

She opens her ht Sheon her heels, she walks back over to my couch and dives into it

I take a deep breath as I pull the door aler doesn’t scurry back over to press her ear up and eavesdrop She’d be the type to do that Holding the phone up to ht wobble in my voice, "Hello"