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Perhaps I feel particularly cozy given the thunderous storm outside Apparently we’re sheltered froets, thanks to the et away co at work today called for everything from catastrophic winds to clear skies in the span of an afternoon Dakota and I ht skies, both because I like to take in the stars froo to bed and because Dakota always buys coffee for both of us

I’ll definitely be buying the coffee toh the sky outside andcrack of thunder comes almost immediately after And then the old brass la with the one other light I have on in ins to slide down uide me to the kitchen drahere I know that there is a flashlight It’s not big, but I can find my way around the apart to theto check the Welles property There’s always a spotlight shining on one corner of their house--bright enough to cast a light to the fence line, e Meredith’s proht Now, though, it’s as if that guarantee has been snuffed out I don’t know that I could even

I look out the other s I even unlatch all the deadbolts and chains that I use every night and open the door I ness

That, and a cold,my door shut, I relock the door and wrap uess I’ll just have to wait it out Taking ain, my blanket pulled to my chin and lass panel of the woodstove

When footsteps pound up the stairs outside and so for the door There are only a few people it could be--Ginny or one of the Welleses--and they’ll be getting soaked out there, so I begin unlatching the deadbolts again

But then my hand falters That voice in the back of my head adds another person to the list of possible visitors: the faceless man who showed himself to me once in a dream Who hurt me terribly I know it’s not realistic and yet, as I see the doorknob wiggle, a part of me panics

A fist pounds against the other side "Water! It’s me!"

My heart skips a beat

I’ locks and throw open the door, ushering in Jesse

"Hey," he says through a shudder "Are you all right?"

"Yes Why?"

"Oh, just because" He lifts a hand to rub the back of his head His hair’s so short that it barely messes it "The power’s out I don’t like when the power’s out"

"I’ do you think before it’s back on?"

"Honestly? Depends on where the break is, but it could be all night" Flashes of lightning fill the room, and I can see that his flannel jacket and the T-shirt underneath are drenched

I have the urge to find hi I have would fit him My closet is full of hand-s froo in She wasn’t crazy about the idea but I enjoyed paying for some clothes with uess we’ll just have to wait it out, then" I wander back over to my spot by the woodstove and wrapalone right now, butwith Jesse

Without a word, he grabs another log, the handle squeaking as he opens the woodstove and feeds the fire Hungry, the fla Jesse’s profile, his eyelashes long and thick

I instinctively reach up to e I’ll never have an appealing profile, not froht side, anyway

When the tiny door screeches shut, he pulls his jacket off, exposing his T-shirt beneath, the front of it wet I’m suddenly thankful for the relative darkness, as it affords es on his sto too obvious

"Don’t like the furniture in here?" hehis jacket out on one of the wicker chairs--a skeleton now that I’ve confiscated the cushions for e to lie on the floor, I guess It makes me feel cozy"

"Does it?" His eyes drift over the pile of cushions that I lean against "Well, in that case" He kicks off his running shoes and then dives down next tohis shoes under the woodstove, he adjusts the few stray pillows and lies back, stretching out his long body

Frohtly behind him, I can watch him shamelessly

And I do

"Was this ours?" He nestles his head against the cable-knit pillow

"Yeah Yourinvolved bringing perfectly good bedding and blankets and books over to ive it life, she said Sos on the "I can’t ht now, but you can have mine if you’d like"

I feel his eyes onthe other way, so the shadows could hide what I don’t want hiaze "I’le nod answers uessblack?"

The muscle in his jaw pulses "What uess You look like a black-coffee drinker"

"And what does a black-coffee drinker look like?"

"I don’t know I don’t knohy I said that I guess you remind me of someone who drinks black coffee" Now I sound evenwhat makes them who they are" I watch what kind of food they load onto the conveyor belt at the grocery store, and what they order at Poppa’s, the local greasy diner that serves the best coffee in town I watch the way some people dart across a busy ht so they can use the crosswalk; the way some parents offer annoyed shushes to their children’s incessant chatter while others provide calroup of wo, their words laced with critical coroup sits, oblivious to anyone else and just enjoying one another’s company I watch and I wonder what makes people who they are Is it the sum of learned behaviors and experiences? And if they, like me, can’t recall those experiences, would they still do those things in the exact same way? Or would they deviate?

How siotten excited stepping out of a thrift shop, my arly cooked meals for a crotchety old lady who doesn’t have the words "thank you" in her vocabulary?

Would I have turned mental nose up at a "free spirit" like Dakota?

I think about these things I think about the fancy dress and the diamond jewelry I was found with, irl ended up shoveling horse shit out of stalls And loving it

"That le "No it doesn’t You’re just trying to make me feel better"