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"It’s all just stuff"

"You don’t get it!" Her voice rises with frustration "Look where we are!" She throws a hand up in the air "In this cute little secluded apart here, waiting for you I have no family to run to No real friends that I can count on I have no one"

Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear so I can see more of her face, I whisper, "You haveher arainst ht I want to squeeze her back--I want to do more than just squeeze her--but I’m hesitant, for so many reasons beyond just her injuries So, I settle for weaving ht in the hotelnow that I knohat it can feel like" Her voice drifts When she speaks again, it’s with a hesitant whisper "I want to feel that way again With you I just can’t now Not until all this is sorted out"

"I’ll wait"

We lie a to the fire crackle, s leaves--I stuffed a few handfuls into the woodstove, just because I love the s evens out, her heart beats steady against my side

I absorb all of it

As I fall fast and hard

"What’s down here?"

"If I tell you, then it’s not a surprise"

"And you’re sure your family won’t come out here?"

"Yup My mom and sister are in comas and my dad’s at some charity police force luncheon Besides, no one’s been down this way in years" I ease the Barracuda down the old, uneven path Normally I wouldn’t think to drive it down, but it’s too far for Alex to hile she’s still healing And I really want to see her dip her fingers into a lake for the first tiht The blue skies are what I ray in co brighter than any sun rays on water

I shrug "You said you’ve never been to a lake"

"And you actually remembered" She doesn’t wait fortoward the sandy clearing where my sister and I used to set up for the day, back e’d come out here to swim in the summertime

I follow her, the wool blanket that she can’t seem to part with tucked under my arm

"This is just" Her words drift She stands at the water’s edge, wrapped inthe crisp air, her eyes taking in the trees andus "This is me This is what I want I could trade it all today, for this Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever stepped into a place and just known that you were lances over her shoulder atthe wool blanket out as I approach From behind, I wrap the blanket andher into irl with a flat tire I didn’t know it right then, though But I was ht kiss on h eese that were resting across the lake suddenly take flight, their wings flapping against the water, kicking up splashes that glimmer in the sun

Alex srip long enough for her to dip her red-painted fingertips in She pulls back ierated shiver

"See that stream over there?" I stretch an ar off the lake "It’s fed off the mountain thaw So is this lake There’s kind of a funny story to it The streahbor, Mr Fitzgerald--he’s gone now--didn’t like it so close to their barn For years, he’d try to stop it My granddad would help hiravel and dirt One year, they built a da, the water would find its way onto the Fitzgerald property" I chuckle, re their beards in wonder "Finally they just gave up and let it be Realized there was no stopping it The water was going to go where it was randdad used to tell us that story every spring, e came out here after the thaw Of course, it wasn’t just a story to hi the truth I had a proble when I was little," I admit, sheepishly "He said the truth is like that water: it doesn’t matter how hard you try to bury it; it’ll always find some way back to the surface It’s resilient"

I feel her body relax into my chest "I really like that story I want to be like water, too I want to be resilient, to go where I’raze her cheek with asps and pulls away to turn and facein her eyes "I knohat tattoo I want now"

Beans I assuiven he’s tattooed the letters on his knuckles Otherwise he’s a dumbass

A du every ti with today?"

Alex’s bright eyes are full of determination "A tattoo" Once she decided that this hat she wanted to do, there was no convincing her otherwise, banged-up body and all Luckily we’re the only ones at Get Inked--a small but reputable shop in Bend

He smirks--we are in a tattoo parlor, after all--and then asks, "Do you knohat you want it to look like?"

"I was thinking so"

"HmmCan’t say I’ve done one of those Let’s see e can find" With a fast flick of his hand, he turns his oversized ine for "water symbols" All kinds come up

Alex immediately zeros in on a circular symbol aves inside "That one" She nods "Here" She touches the right side of her pelvis, where I iht run

"Are you sure about this?" I ask in a low voice "What about" What is Viktor--the guy who dictates what she does, what she wears, her hair color, everything--going to say about a permanent mark on her body? And without his perht, then Let’s get this show on the road," Beans n to etch into a body To her, it’s a decision she iswithout consultation with or authorization from Viktor A decisiona per that represents us, even in an indirect way And the idea of thatout the sy in all the required paperwork, Beans leads us into one of the rooms and instructs Alex to lie down "You’ll need to roll your pants down and push your shirt up," he says, while re