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Uses me

Breaks me

That Conner watches me suffer

That he broke every promise he made to me

That I broke a thousand proht hard enough

That I let all this happen

Maybe that’s what hurts the most

That I did this to myself

I just want to die

God, let h, but hollow inside

I’

I remain motionless on the floor until I hear theroole tear drips down my face and splatters like blood on the carpet "Get the fk out"

Moments later, the door squeaks as he leaves, for the first ti what I’ve asked him

I stay face down on the floor for what feels like an eternity, unable toIt’s like I’ve died, yet so All I can think about is all of my wishes and how they never came true, and what I would wish for now if I still believed in dreams

I’d wish I couldn’t feel the pain

Wish this was all over

Wish I could get rid of the past, burn it all away

All of it

Maybe it’s tiain, it’s only to put an end to er down the hallway to et to the dresser I open the top drawer, grab the box of matches inside, and then pick up a bottle of tequila fro on the bed

With the little energy I have left in me, I douse the mattress with alcohol then reht, I strike the tip of it against the side of the box and watch it burn, quickly singeing away the wood, erasing it into nothing

Right before it can burn out, I drop the ulfs in flames Then I curl into a ball and watch as the fire spreads around the room and melts the walls Smoke circles the air as fire hisses at my skin Heat scorches deep intoThe smoke detectors siren off, but I barely hear the sound overPain So s, and my heart withers inside my chest Death is close The end is near Then the pain will finally be gone

I surrender like I have for years But right as I can feel the end approaching, the fire closing in on ht of a picture on the dresser It’s of Mason andthe one trip we took to the beach, one of the rare, happy ive hies, ready to ?" I leap fro up the picture as I bolt out of the room

Potent smoke floods the entire house, and by the ti Gasping for air, I stuht sky and the stars and look back at the dae Flames s the entire back section of the house

What have I done?

I need to call the fire departer toward a payphone at the front of the trailer park My bare feet are scalded, and the gravel pierces into the open wounds Everything hurts, even my soul, broken, battered, beaten down, down, down So heavy, but I keep running, even as s constrict I make it to the phone and fuasp for air as I tell the operator "My house is on fire"

"What’s the address?" she asks "Ma’a up and the phone spits out my quarter I pick up the coin before my final breath leaves me and I fall

Fall

Fall

Fall

Down

Down

Down

Into a blanket of stars

Leaving the world

My life

With a silent cry echoing behind me

Help me

Chapter 35

The day I was saved

Tristan

I’ve finally done it Finally pushed the boundaries of life too far There’s no going back now This is the end

I’ to die

"Tristan, can you hear me?"

I can hear Quinton fro My body is broken, worn out, used and abused to the point of no return Too h my system, and I think I’m ready

To die

"Co die onperson in ht fortired of being alive yet never fully breathing Of always sinking further into despair Of drifting Of being lost Ofup