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"But I’ down the stairs, going farther into the night before calling overbecause everything always feels so wrong"

She doesn’t say anything and I walk underneath the stars toward a dark, unknown road A road that I’ve been traveling for a long time When I reach my final destination, I have to question if maybe it’s my final destination

Forever

By the time I enter the trailer home, I feel lonelier than I ever have before I have no direction, no focus, no purpose At least here there are people around et high, spun, and drunk, over and over again

The entire room smells like pot, bottles of alcohol line the counters and tables, and there are couplesrooain

"Hey cutie" A woman at least five years older than me struts up beside me She has short, bleach blonde hair,out of her top and her leather skirt barely covers her ass

"Hey" I force a se carpet and take a look around at the place that’s going to be ?" she asks as she follows me into the small kitchen area

"Just getting a drink" I grab a plastic cup from the yellow countertop and open the nearest bottle of alcohol

"Oh yeah, I was just going to get one too" She pours herself a drink and then joinsroom

Music booms from the stereo, a pn o plays on the television, and the lights are turned do enough that I can’t see exactly what everyone’s doing but can hearfrom somewhere in the room I haven’t had sex yet, not because I don’t want to, but because I haven’t found anyone ants to have sex withroom clearly have the exact opposite probleely out of place and wonder why I chose to live here Is this any better than living under a roof with people who don’t wantthere debating whether to sit down on the sofa, go back to my room, or run out the front door, someone puts a hand on my ar beside me with a joint in her hand and a lazy s for, sweetie?" she asks, handingme up She wants me I’ve never been wanted before and I kind of like the feeling In fact, I’m enthralled by it

"I have no idea," I say then put the end of the joint up to my mouth and suck in a deep hit But I start to hack when s burn and realize it’s not weed that I just s wayher the joint back

"Sorin expands and I blinkseeps into my body and ers enclose around my arm

I allow her to lead me down the di touch with reality, lonely, or because she’s noticing et back there, she closes the door and locks us in before facing ainst the door, her glassy eyes fixed on me

I kick some clothes out of the way as I h," I tell her, uncertain where my bold response co see ht, ambles over toit is again, but decide I really don’t care

About anything

I take another hit and the ss and soul while the woman strips off her clothes Then she removes the joint from my hand, sets it aside in an ashtray on my drawerless dresser She pulls my shirt over raze acrossat me, ant in her eyes, makes me feel alive in what feels like forever

She can see me

Feel me

Knows I exist

Maybe even wants me

After all our clothes are piled on the floor, she inches her lips towardto take care of you," she whispers then slips her fingers through uides ently shoves

And falling

I never stop falling the entire way through it

Because there’s no bottoet back up

Even when it’s over, I still feel like I’ alone, but with her

Maybe I don’t have to be alone all the ti a thousand miles a minute as I lie on the et dressed I can’t think straight, either fros or the sex--I’m not really sure

"What’s your name?" I ask, breathless

She simply smiles at me as she pulls her shirt over her head "It doesn’t really matter, does it? None of this does" I swear her eyes silently say, ‘neither do you’

Then she bends down to give me a kiss on the forehead "I had fun" It’s all she says before she stands up and walks out of the rooain

Present day…

Chapter 14

The Abyss

Tristan

Drink

After drink

After drink

Sitting out on the porch of the rip a nearly eain and I’m not even sure what set me off this time Rejection fro we never really had to begin with, it gave me the final push

Deep down, part of me knew the reason why I’ve been sober for the last threeto do with Avery and what she did for ht that maybe she is different from everyone else that has floated in and out of er reason that is buried under years of rejection and the si life

Never

Ever

Ever

Not really

The alcohol is starting to fade and ony becoer toward the roo it shatter into a thousand pieces across the parking lot Then I bang on the door I’ to nu noise and pain inside reeted by so I knoill help me

Bury the pain

The rejection