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Conner peers over his shoulder atfor you"
I frown as I slouch back against the cupboard and wipe the sweat froh tiredly and shut o to sleep
"So, what do you think?" Conner asks and I hear him shut a cupboard "Is this place the one?"
I force lance around at the distressed kitchen counters, the chipped tile floor, and the blinding yellow countertops thatof the entire apartment "It’s kind of old and rundown, don’t you think?"
"Yeah, but it’s only teet promoted, which should happen soon" He crouches down in front of me, all smiles and happiness I don’t kno the hell he does it--how hein chaos and uncertainty Just under seventeen years old and I’ a baby In just over sixyet I won’t even be at legal drinking age
"Maybe you could sell one of your cars," I suggest I’ve always drea in a nice house alls that weren’t stained with the residue of meth, and the roo a house that has a roof that doesn’t leak, a place that I could call e when I turned eighteen Getting a career Finally being on ht now
"I can’t do that Those carsfor the briefest ister it, let alone process theto you" I blame my weakness onalone, pregnant, and living in that God-awful house with my mother
He sighs "Look, I proet proo"
"Okay, but"--I slowly inhale as another bout of nausea hits me--"what about Jax? I can’t just leave him"
Conner’s happiness falters "Av, as much as I love Jax, I don’t think we can have him live with us" When I frown, he cups et on our own feet Maybe after the baby co parents"
I’ "But what if I can’t?"
"What if you can’t what?"
"Find a balance" Hot tears downpour from my eyes "I mean, I’ve never had an actual mother to observe and what if… I suck You’re lucky You have aworks"
"You won’t suck," he proed on the floor in front of s will be perfect You’ll see"
Soh Ever since the day I told hi except positive and happy about it to the point where I question if he really understands what’s going on, if he can see the bigger picture That everything is going to change--that the days of having fun and staying out all night are gone
That our dreamer days are over
Gone
"Yeah, okay" Vo tohim out of the way as I rush for the bathroo sick of it I did so on like this for the entire first triuts out for the next couple of minutes then lie down on the floor and press my overheated cheek to the cool linoleuh that I expect Conner to come in and check on me But after a lot of tion the cupboard, texting
"Hey, are you doing okay?" he asks, preoccupied by his phone
I nod as I cross the kitchen to hi sickness thing wears off"
He punches a few more buttons then puts the away and hops off the counter "Me too," he agrees, taking et your mind off it"
"Oh yeah?" I ask with interest "And what’s that?"
"There’s a party going on at the college that I got invited to We should go"
I frown and slip o to a party The snant"
Now he’s frowning
Over the last twoto a lot of parties I try to tell nant and that he’s trying to grasp on to what little adolescence he has left
"Cos "We always used to have fun at parties while being sober"
I place nant"
He’s livid, maybe more than I’ve ever seen hi hier exists "You say that like it’s my fault"
"Well, it does take two people to create a baby"
"You should have been on birth control," he snaps
"Andtoward the front door "Don’t pretend like this is my fault--it’s both of ours"
"Whatever," hehis back on me "I’m not even sure if it’s mine"
I want to shout at hiuy I’ve ever had sex with and he knows it He’s acting like a child and it puts even more doubt in
"Fuck you," I et out before I leave the apartment in tears
I ride the bus ho on I try to rush up the stairs and ignore the noise, but h that she cornerson a cigarette She looks twenty years past her age--wrinkly, sagging skin, and a body that’s falling apart--yet she dresses like she’s e
"Out with Conner" I move to step around her, but she sidesteps in front of me and obstructs my path The bitter scent of tequila flows off her breath and I know I’m in for a world of hurt As ie, passed out uy friend of yours?" she wonders with a slur to her speech