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I druers on my knee as I dial Nova’s nuets to the fourth one, I think she’s not going to answer, and I’o over to Marcus’s house and buy whatever I can off hi Thankfully Nova picks up right as her voicehoeak I still am--how much help I still need

"Hey," I say after she answers, instantly settling down,

"Hey" She sounds breathless "I was hoping it was you calling"

Her response makes me smile, but of course it also confounds me that she’d be that happy to hear from me "Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you… but if you can’t talk, then it’s okay"

"Why couldn’t I talk?"

"Because… I don’t know You sound sort of breathless"

She laughs and I closethe tranquil sound of it "That’s because I was playing Twister with Lea and Tristan and I had to run to get the phone"

I lean back against the wall,"Twister? Was that Tristan’s idea?" I loathe that I sound jealous, but I can’t help how I feel That I wish I were the one living with her, playing gaether in aard positions

"No, it was actually Lea’s," she says, and I distinctively hear a door close "She said she was bored and that she needed to do so other than sit on the couch and watch reruns of Vampire Diaries"

"And Twister was that thing?"

"Yeah, it was the only ga, it did belong to Tristan"

"I knew he had so to do with it" I reirls Tristan alanted to hook up with any girl he cao when it was only months A whole different world, full of cracks, temptations, and unsteady footsteps That’s what life feels like when you’ve been on drugs for years and then suddenly you’re sober

"Yeah, I guess he’s kind of a perv, isn’t he?"

"Soe because talking about Tristan’s pervertedness isn’t helpingthat you could put on the song first tonight and then we could talk"

"Yeah, I could do that" She sounds confused "But can I ask you why?"

"I’you’re going to pick out fordo you want tonight?" There’s cheeriness in her tone and I can feelfroet what I mean

But I quickly learn that I should never question Nova when it comes to music, because a few minutes later "Rise" by Eddie Vedder comes on It’s probably not what , but leave it to Nova to pick soets the point across She foundabout rainbows and sunshine, but that gives enough hope that it etting back on the phone with the ood" I relax insee In fact, everything seeive you hope?" she asks, and I can hear the expectation in her voice

I keep races my lips "You knohat? It does It really, really does" I pause, knowing that what I say next is going to be huge for me, but for some reason I want to do it, want to talk with her, because it always seems to make life just the tiniest bit easier "Can I talk to you about why I was upset tonight?"

"Of course," she says, although she does see"

I take a deep breath, then another, preparing myself to crack open a door "It’s about et that," she says, and et better--that et better"

"I know" I stare at a photo of Lexi on the wall She’s laughing at so I said, I think She looks so happy So alive Eyes bright Heart beating Happy "But it’s hard to think about a future when it feels like every ti someone behind"

I hear her breath hitch in her throat, but Nova being Nova, she sounds calet that really well That’s the way I felt about Landon"

I s hard "Did you love him?"

"Yes," she utters softly "He was actually ether, but that helped et to know hiradually, like she’s on the brink of tears "I thought I was going toat oing to e as me She was cryptic like that And restless And she didn’t like the idea of settling down" And when she died, I saw our future together slipping away, but I was okay with it because I was dying, too, but then I caone forever

"Landon didn’t like talking about the future at all," Nova says sorrowfully "Sometimes I think it’s because he kneell, you know… and he either didn’t let himself talk about it, didn’t want to make any empty promises to me, or just didn’t ever think about it"