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Deep breath "Josh was h school sweetheart or whatever He was the only boy I ever…you know," I can feel ing me on "Anyway, Josh played for my dad He started on varsity as a fresh He was a pitcher"

"Typical pitcher," Nate says, rolling his eyes and laughing lightly He lets go of my hand and leans back on his hands; I " He pushes his foot intome know he’s sorry for the joke, and then he leaves it there

"We dated for a year and a half I mean, that first year, it wasn’t really much When you’re fifteen, you pretty much kiss all the ti part," Nate says, pushing his fingers in his ears "La la la la" His little act makes me smile--I love that he’s jealous, even if it’s only pretend jealous

"It was the last day of school our sopho yearbooks All of a sudden, there was shooting There was aa ski o to our school--never did People were screaet to the exits, but ere right in the middle We always sat in thenow, anda little I haven’t told this story out loud to anyone other than the investigators, ive anything to rewind tih I need to, so he’ll understand why I airl you think is beautiful and that you flirt with on a baseball field in thefor rip on

I close my eyes, and when I squeeze the to rest on my collarbone under the warmth of Nate’s shirt

"Thefroainst hih school Josh…he…he put himself over me The man shot Josh in the head, and he ended up with severe brain daht in front of me Her name was Betsy She was the first one Thomas shot, and she was one of two people who didn’t survive The other was a teacher, Mrs Sharring She was going to retire"

Nate doesn’t speak any h I know he must have dozens He just reaches up to touch my face, and slowly slides the remainder of my tears away, then he tucks the few strands ofacross my face behind my ear

"That’s why I never kno to answer that question," I say, looking away fro to fall in love

"What question is that?" he says, his voice soft and gentle

"Is Josh still hts in the distance blur together out of focus "He stopped being Josh the second the bullet cut through part of his brain He’s on feeding tubes, and he can’t talk or do anything for himself Even his parents are ready for him to die I know that sounds awful, but he’s come close so many times that they’re just there now You know, mentally?"

"I’m so sorry, Rowe," Nate says, and I turn to look at hi I can tell with this one look that he would give anything to take what I’into his eyes, the next round of tears lining up, butthe at hi to no one

Chapter 11

Rowe

I told him

Miss you,

~ Rowe

Chapter 12

Nate

For an hour, we sat there in the dugout--coo ho to ask her anything else until she was ready to tell it

When the groundskeepers started showing up, we left, not wanting to have to deal with breaking in We were quiet all the way back to the dorain, and I held thehtly until the elevator opened to our floor