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But what’s the alternative? My heart aches with confusion How can I explain it now, after pretending for so long? Would Daniel even love ?

Emerson loved you The treacherous voice whispers He didn’t care about the mess and the hurt, and your broken, fked-up heart

But that was before--before mom died, and he decided the mess was too much, and as left of my heart was totally destroyed God knohat it looks like now

Maybe pretending is the best I can hope for anyht, alone, but I can’t find a good excuse, so I let Daniel drive us back to his without a word As soon as we get there, I go lock et all this confusion out ofin the wind, like one wrong ill send everything tuuilty over what happened with Eh that tonight, without asking, or even warning me what he’d planned

It’s my own fault, I kno is he supposed to know just how bad things are with my family when I’ve taken such care to hide it from him? How can he understand how nore the past when that’s all I’ve been doing with hi that doesn’t stop the burn inthe way he patted my shoulder to calm me down, and quickly smoothed over the uncomfortable truths I laid bare

I try to catch , but I don’t knohat to do Usually, I’d try to keep ht he was doing a nice thing, because he cares But now it’s like the last few days in Cedar Cove have brought allthrough et about Eo back to my war si

Pretending like the past never happened is a recipe for disaster If not now, then so to hit the fan But either way, I know, I can’t run from it any more I can’t hide the parts of s I’ve done

With a surge of adrenalin, I open the bathroom door and step out into the bedroo at his laptop He’s in sweats and an old college T-shirt, sleepy and cute, and for ainto bed?" He asks He closes the coets up "We can pick up where we left off…" he adds, reaching for estive look in his eyes

His hands slide around my waist, but the feel of his touch on me is the final straw

"I can’t do this!" I exclaioing on? What’s wrong?"

"This All of this" I gesture around My heart is pounding, but this isn’t a panic attack, this is just e that I need to say this quick before I can back down "It’s wrong And it’s et that, but I don’t knohat I can do to ht?" he asks carefully "Because, I said I’!" I cry "I’ve spent all this ti who I am, and I can’t do it anyain, but I back away, and put several steps between us "It’s OK, Juliet I know you We’ve been together two years now," he adds, with a reassuring s stressed, with finals and --"

"No!" I stop hi toterrible" My voice breaks, but I take a breath and plunge ahead with my terrible confession "I cheated on you, Daniel I’ht aroundfor his reaction If it were me over there… But no, I can’t think like that I don’t knohat I’d do in his situation, but I knoouldn’t be pretty

I watch hie of the bed He looks down for a moment, then back up at me, his expression crushed "What happened?" he asks slowly

I gulp "I went back, and, there’s a guy there The guy" I try to explain, but all my words sound empty and flat "And I… we kissed I know I shouldn’t have, but, I wanted to That’s how fked up I a, sharp in ot all about you!"

"But you didn’t sleep with him?" Daniel’s voice rises with a note of hope

I shakeso to convince hi back, all the old memories… You’re under a lot of pressure Maybe this is my fault," he looks at me plaintively, "I should have been there for you"

"No!" I cry This is exactly what Lacey told o How could I have ever thought I could just shat happened with E to me