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It’s hot and I’ cutoffs and a thin black tank top My hair is a little tangled, and I only have eyeliner andfroo anywhere," I protest, as she swings open the front gate

She glances over her shoulder and inspects reat You always do" She stops e arrive at her single-cab truck parked in front of the garage She lets go of my hand and positions herself in front of me "Look, when I first met you, you were seriously so sad, and I was kind of terrified of you But then I got to know you, and you knohat? My opinion changed"

"Only because Ms Kenzingly forced us to work on that final project together" I smile at the memory of our first aard introduction She was the pretty, outgoing girl who soirl who used to date Landon It had been four weeks since I’d found him in his room, and I was still the one everyone was afraid of, because I saw things no one wants to adet me to even talk to you"

She smiles, too, but it’s shadowed by a stern look "Yeah, and to this day I’h it was ‘Yes, I think so,’ because it opened the door for our friendship" She pauses, rubbing her lips together as she shields her eyes froht with her hand "But it was hard, you know, being your friend, because you never toldon in that head of yours, but at college you seereat, but better" She waves her hand in front of me and blows out an exasperated breath "But we’ve been back for over a couple of weeks now and you’re getting sadder, if that’s even possible"

"It’s possible," I say, leaning back against the truck door "It really is"

She’s quiet for a while and then she takes o so crazy and unexpected We could go hang out at Dylan’s tonight and just relax"

Crazy and unexpected? I start counting the rocks underfrom my sadness? Or fro the top ofto count the rocks, but more andand I give up Throwing my hands in the air, I decide to try and not be sad for the day Try to survive "Okay,"

She ju her hands "Thank you, Nova"

"You’re welco as though I’ve failed because the rocks re , you crazy woman" I shut the door and she skips around to the other side

"Yes, you did" She smiles as she clinition "You decided to be happy"

I keep quiet and letI’ll probably never truly be happy again, no matter how much I want to, because no one and I’ll still be here

Alone

We end up stopping at the local ice creaar in my system will cheer me up It hat my dad used to say all the time: Eat some candy and you’ll feel better Myhealthy in my hand, like an apple or a carrot, then when she’d turn away, my dad would steal it and wink at me as he handed me a sucker or a candy bar

I miss him so bad His life ended way too soon, but unlike Landon’s, I couldn’t have prevented it He had a heart condition he didn’t know about until it was too late, and there was nothing I could have done to help hiround helpless and afraid, and there was nothing I could do but watch his life leave hiain, and then Landon caave ain But then he left ure out, even after a godda around, half the ti like a zo I felt when my dad died has multiplied

God, what the fuck? Why did you do it? Why did you leavein one of the booths, watching a wind chiht suh ice creas and shiically reflect the sunlight every ti, and I’et the cashier guy to give her moreas soaze instinctively drifts from the chime to my barely touched bowl of ice cream, which is nowreally loud, and I reel around in the booth and look toward the front counter Dylan, Tristan, and Quinton are standing beside her, and she already has her ar her ass as he lifts her up The cashier guy seems really uncomfortable by their public display of affection and walks back to the stocking roo on the order board and then he playfully slaps Quinton in the sto at his lips, but his eyes are still hued with sorrow Tristan stu into an oblivious Dylan and Delilah, then he regains his balance and leans in to say soives me a little smile and wave

I return the wave and thenhis bottom lip, he seems uneasy as he raises his hand and waves atI turn back to my sad little melted bowl of ice creah he looks like it’s the last thing he wants to be doing His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his faded jeans, and there’s a small hole in the bottom of his black T-shirt It looks like there’s dirt or soes tracking up his arets, the quicker I count, until the nuether and suddenly I can’t see a path My adrenaline surges, and I feel overwhel to concentrate on, so I can control and keep track of

"Hey," he says when he arrives at ins to slonradually scrolling up his body