Page 3 (2/2)
She ss hard, looking like she hter "Well, if you need me, I’m here" She turns back to her bowl
She’s been saying that to me since I was thirteen, ever since I watched h we’ve always had a good relationship Talking about death with her--at all--doesn’t work for me At this point in my life, I couldn’t talk to her about it even if I wanted to I have , my escape, , see the bleeding i pain connected to them If I saw theone
I don’t like unknown places TheyOne of the therapists I first saw diagnosed me with obsessive-coh, because heafter I was left with a therapist in training, so to speak, and he decided that I was just depressed and had anxiety, hence the antianxiety medication for the last year and three months
The unfa, and it takes et to the pool By the time I arrive at the lawn chair, I kno et here, how many seconds it took me to sit down, and how many more seconds it took for Delilah to arrive and then take a seat besideto the porch--twenty-two--how ht fro I don’t know is how many seconds, hours, years, decades, it will take before I can let go of the goddamn self-induced numbness Until then I’ll count, focus on nu inside es immersed just beneath the surface
Delilah and I lie in lawn chairs in the middle ofdown on us as we tan in our swimsuits She’s been my best friend for the past year or so Our sudden friendship was strange, because we’d gone to high school together but never really talked She and I were in different social circles and I had Landon But after it happened… after he died… I had no one, and the last feeeks of high school were torture Then I met her, and she was nice and she didn’t look at me like I was about to shatter We hit it off, and honestly, I have no idea what I’d do without her now She’s been there for me, she shows me how to have fun, and she reminds me that life still exists in the world, even if it’s brief
"Good God, has it always been this hot here?" Delilah fans her face with her hand as she yawns "I re colder"
"I think so" I pick up a cup of iced tea on the table between us and prop up onlass down I turn it in a circle until it’s perfectly in place on the condensation ring it left behind, and then I wipe the moisture froainst the chair "We do have air-conditioning"
Delilah laughs sardonically as she reaches for the sparkly pink flask in her bag "Yeah, right Are you kiddingher fiery red nails, then unscrews the lid off the flask "No offense I didn’t mean for that to sound rude, but yourfrom the flask and holds it out in my direction
"Stepdad," I correct absentmindedly I wrap my lips around the top of the flask and take a tiny s, then hand it back to her and close my eyes "And they’re just lonely I’one for alain, but it’s breezier than before "They’re seriously theparents I know They call you every day at school and text you a thousand ti
"They just worry about me" They didn’t use to My ot concerned about how his death and seeing it affected me Then Landon died, and now all she does is constantly worry
"I worry about you, too," Delilah , but I don’t--I can’t Delilah knows about what happened with Landon, but we never really talk about what I saw And that’s one of the things I like about her--that she doesn’t ask questions
One… two… three… four… five… breathe… six… seven… eight… breathe… Balling ht to cal insideme down into the memory I won’t remember; my last memory of Landon
"I have a brilliant idea," she interrupts o check out Dylan and Tristan’s new place"