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I only realized that Frankie was there when she knelt in front of me, her face tear-streaked and full of syht, and it alarmed me that she was so worried for ht to be worried I didn’t have a clue how to handle this

"You think it could be true?" I asked her,some shitty prank on us?"

She shook her head, black trails running, and running, and running down her face, her h she hadn’t noticed "No, Tristan Cory saw hi like this Look at him It’s destroyed him too"

I couldn’t I couldn’t look at anyone I looked down atas ht up to the second, I’d be in for it "This is my fault," I sobbed

Frankie threw her arround soreement She’d always instilled a sense of responsibility in me, to look after Jared, and I felt it like a stab to the heart He’d been my little brother, and it had been my job, my duty, to watch over him, and while I’d been lost in my own depression, he’d slipped aithout me there to stop him, without me there to even hold his hand at the end

That train of thought was pure masochism, and as I followed it, the denial left me, and the pain came, and I broke with it I knew, absolutely, that I could die from this pain, that I could very well killI could in the face of utter despair I reached out for a lifeline

"Does Danika know?" I asked, pulling back

Frankie shook her head, sniffling "I haven’t called her yet"

"Will you call her now? Will you tell Danika that I need her?" My voice broke again on the words "She won’t take"Of course I will I’ll go outside to rabbed her hand before she could es?"

She squeezed o that her phone has been buried in a drawer I’ll have to call Bev to get ahold of her"

I nodded "Will you tell her to listen to theht back, k?"

I just nodded, looking down at ainst the

Frankie returned quickly, looking even more upset than before "Bev said she’d tell her, but she’d taken the boys to run errands, and didn’t have her phone, so she isn’t sure how long that’ll take She said that, as soon as she returns, Jerry will bring her over"

I tried to be okay with that, but I wasn’t I couldn’t cope with this for one more second without her, let alone soot up, then sat again, feeling totally lost Dark thoughts circled through ony, and self-destruction

I found my phone, and just stared at it for sixty-threeevery minute, because every minute felt like an hour

When sixty-three ot up, threw my phone on the couch, and burst out the front door

It was pouring rain outside, which I’d so into a run, running fro to run until I literally dropped

DANIKA

I knew that so the second I stepped in the front door The look of caring sye the things that haunted you for years and years after a tragedy The look on Bev’s face when she braced to tell me the news, the tears in Jerry’s eyes, a man who I’d never seen cry, the way the boys didn’t say a word, as though clued into as going on as soon as they saw their mother’s face

Soed Jared, the last time I’d seen him smile, the last time he’d called me for some silly reason, or for no reason at all Those were a sweet sort of haunting though

The bitter haunting ca missed calls from Jared weeks later, calls that I’d missed because I’d been so wrapped up in my own problems, my own dysfunctions The idea that I could have spoken to hiave me theprecious There was even one precious e from him that I could never find the heart to erase In fact, I kept that phone in a drawer by raded, because I couldn’t bear to let the sound of his voice be erased

Hand in hand with the haunting, caret

As Jerry drove es, as he’d asked Frankie to ask me to do As I listened, and realized that, while I’d been wrapped up in convincing ive ive it to me, if I’d only bothered to listen

I felt such regret then, because there was soe persistent idea in ht still be alive Hereckless, getting hurt Losing his life

That regret taught ic, and how it never really goes away, even with time