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As I got ready for bed, I looked at the fra in Tahoe; irls and I at Coit Tower Sophia loved to take pictures next to anything phallic She played the cello with the San Francisco Orchestra, and even though she’d been around musical instruments all her life, she could never pass up a joke when she saw a flute She isted

All three of us were unattached at thesomeone, but since Sophia had broken up with her last boyfriend a few o, we’d all been in a dry spell Luckily for my friends, their spell wasn’t quite as dry asterht when O and I had parted ways I’d had a series of bad first dates and was so sexually frustrated that I allowed uy I had no intention of ever seeing again Not that I was averse to the one-night stand I’d uy? I should have known better Cory Weinstein, blah blah blah His family owned a chain of pizza parlors up and down the West Coast Great on paper, right? Only on paper He was nice enough, but boring But I hadn’t been with a man in a while, and after several martinis and a pep talk in the car on the way, I relented and let Cory "have his ith me"

Now, up until this point in my life, I’d shared that old theory that sex was like pizza Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good I now hated pizza For several reasons

This was the worst kind of sex This was un style: fast, fast, fast This was thirty seconds on the tits, sixty seconds on so that was about an inch above where he should have been, and then in And out And in And out And in And out

But at least it was over quick, right? Hell, no This horribleness went on for months Well, no But for almost thirty minutes Of in And out And in And out My poor hoohah felt like it had been sandblasted

By the ti on top ofon the cleaning supplies under the sink I dressed, which didn’t take that long as I was still alht, after letting Lower Caroline recover, I decided to treat her to a nice long session of self-love, accented by everyone’s favorite fantasy lover, George Clooney, aka Dr Ross But to ed it off, thinkinga little PTSD from Pizza Parlor Cory

But the next night? No O No sign of her that week, or the next As the weeks became a month, and thehatred for Cory Weinstein That hts as I crawled into bed Clive waited until I was situated before snuggling into the space behind hts

"’Night, Mr Clive," I whispered and fell right to sleep

Thump

"Oh, God"

Thump Thump

"Oh, God"

Unbelievable…

I woke up faster this tilaring behind me The bed was still pulled safely away from the wall, so I felt noover there

Then I heard…hissing?

I looked down at Clive, whose tail was at full puff He arched his back and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed

"Hey, hbor, that’s all," I soothed, stretching my hand out to him That’s when I heard it

"Meow"

I cockedmore intently I studied Clive, who looked back as if to say, "T’weren’t irl next door wasto make that happen?

Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched hiet to where the noise was co his own meows to the chorus

"Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm…meow, meow, meow!"

Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight The woh I couldn’t quite place it Eastern European for sure Czech? Polish? Was I seriously awake at, let’s see, one sixteen ain of the woet a hold of Clive and calm him down No luck He was neutered, but he was still a boy, and he wanted as on the other side of that wall He continued to caterwaul, hiswith hers until it was all I could to do to not to cry at the hilarity of this moment My life had become theater of the absurd with a cat chorus

I pulledHis voice was low and thick, and while the woman and Clive continued to call to each other, I listened solely to hi it home

The woman meowed louder and louder as she undoubtedly climbed toward her clax Her , and she finally yelled out, "Da! Da! Da!"

Ah She was Russian For the love of St Petersburg

One last thuroan--and one last meow Then all was blessedly silent Except for Clive He continued to pine for his lost love until fouram

The cold as back on…

Chapter Three

BY THE TIME CLIVE finally settled down and stopped his cat screaet up in one otten whatever sleep I was going to get I et up andthe wall behindroo on the TV, I turned on the coffeeto peek in s, and I rolled my eyes at him