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Love you,

Mia

I don’t ever lie to ht now, I don’t care Now that the idea is into France pushesto Franceunder the dark cloud ofto Boston and starting a life I’ Ansel again

I look at the clock: I only have forty-fiveto my car, I hurl it in the trunk and run to the driver’s side, texting Harlow: Whatever my dad asks you about France, just say yes

Only three blocks away froer seat, no doubt with her reply--Harlow rarely puts her phone down--but I can’t look now I knohat I’ll see anyway, and I’h for me to answer her WHAT??

Her, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??

Her, CALL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, MIA HOLLAND!!

So instead, I park--I’ lot I dragthe wo it very close," she tells , I tap a nervous hand on the counter and sprint away once she’s handed me my ticket, folded neatly in a paper sleeve Security is dead at night on a Tuesday, but once I’ate at the end loo too fast to be worried about Ansel’s reaction, but the adrenaline isn’t enough to drown out the protesting of ht is already boarding, and I have a panickedmaybe he’s already on the plane when I can’t pick him out of the mass of heads lined up to head down the jetway I search wildly, self-consciously, and it’s a horrible, anxious feeling now that I’ed my mind and want to come to France and

live with him

rely on him

be with him

requires a type of bravery I’m simply not sure I have outside of a hotel rooame, or in a bar where liquor let ht It’s possible Irelatively drunk for the entirety of the next feeeks

A war reen eyes His mouth opens and closes a few times before he shakes his head as if to clear it

"Did they let you co to try out the words But then he looks closer: I’ve changed into white jeans, a blue tank top under a green hoodie I have a carry-on slung overwhat I can only ied her on my shoulder and watch his reaction: his smile comes a little too slowly to immediately put enuine Then he confuses uess I can’t stretch out and sleep on your seat now"

I have no idea what to say to that, so I just sate attendant calls out another section of the plane to board and theus both jump

And then, it seems like the entire world falls co back down the way I caas or even the enclosed privacy of his San Diego hotel roo? "I don’t have to co a step closer and bending to kissfrom one cheek to the other "I’lad you’re here"

With a heavy exhale, I turn when he presses his hand to my lower back, but it’s as if our heated bubble has been punctured and we’ve stepped offstage and into the even hts of reality It presses down onMy feet feel like they’re ate attendant, forcing a nervous s onto the jetway

What we know is dimly lit bars, playful banter, the clean, crisp sheets of hotel rooms What we know is the unrequited possibility, the temptation of the idea The make-believe The adventure

But when you choose the adventure, it beco sound I knoill stay in my head for hours Ansel walks behind ht,his real life Maybe reconsidering The truth is, there’s nothing ro for fifteen hours with a virtual stranger It’s the idea that’s exciting There’s nothing escapist or glossy about overlit airports or cras, take our seats I’m in thea paper next to the hose elbows press into my space, sharp but oblivious

Ansel adjusts his seat belt and then adjusts it again before reaching above us for the vent He aims it at hi it down He turns on the light, and his hands drop back into his lap, restless Finally, he closes his eyes and I count as he takes ten deep breaths