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"Well, in that case I can tell you, Je n’ai plus désiré une fetemps Ça n’est peut-être même jamais arrivé" He pulls back, studies my reaction as if I’d be able to decode a word of it "Est-ce totaleically translate the words, butwildly inti?"

He nods "Of course"

"Why won’t you just annul it?"

He twists hishis eyes "Because you wrote it into our wedding vows We both vowed to stayseconds before I get over the shock of that I sure was a bossy little thing "But it’s not a real e," I whisper, and pretend I don’t see it when he winces a little "What does that vow mean anyway if we plan to break all the others about ‘until death do us part’?"

He rolls over and sits up at the edge of his bed, his back tohis hands onto his forehead "I don’t know I try not to break promises, I suppose This is all very weird forjust because I’ firm on this one point"

I sit up, crawl over to him, and kiss his shoulder "It seehs, but then stands, ain I can sense he needs distance and it pushes a small ache between two of o

He pulls on his underwear and leans against the closet door, watching s, and they’re still wet froh the wetness feels cold now Changing my mind, I drop them on the floor and put on my bra and my jersey dress and step into my flip-flops

Ansel wordlessly hands me his phone and I text myself so he hasbut each other for a few painful beats

I reach forhis hands upon my mouth the way he seems to like soue, my lips, my teeth "I like this so much Let it stay, just for a bit"

Hisat my collarbone, and to where my niles press up fro them into his mouth until the fabric is soaked It’s black, so no one but us will know, but I’ll feel the cool press of his kiss even after I walk out of the room

I want to pull us back to the bed

But he stands, studying ood, Cerise"

It occurs toon my husband if I slept with so this ht at all, and I wonder if that’s the same fire I see in his expression

"You, too," I tell him

Chapter SIX

I’M SURE I knohat the phrase "weak in the knees" et out of s I’ve been with three people other than Ansel, but even with Luke, sex was never like that Sex where it’s so wide open and honest that I know even after it’s over--and the heat has dissipated and Ansel isn’t even here beside

It as better We had hours together then, rather than the paltry cupful of ht Because somehow I knoas more honest and free and doubtless than even this was

The heavy thunk ofechoes down our quiet, suburban street My house looks dark, but it’s too early for them to all be in bed With the warm summer weather it’sa late dinner

But once I’ but silence The house is dark everywhere: in the living room, family room, kitchen The patio is quiet, every room upstairs deserted My footsteps slap quietly on the Spanish tile in the bathroo the plush hallway carpet For so no one In the years since I started college--before I o--I haven’t once been alone in this house, and the realization hits me like a physical shove Someone is always here when I ae that is Yet now I’ve been given some quiet It feels like a reprieve And with this freedohto confront

In an impulsive, hot flash, I’m certain this is what I want I sprint to my room, find my passport, tear off est suitcase fro I can find from my dresser into it, and then practically clear my bathroom counter with a sweep ofthuds down the stairs behind in to scribble a note for le to keep fro too o to France for a feeeks! A free ticket, too I’ll be with a friend of Harlow’s Dad She owns a small business I’ll tell you about it later but I’m okay I’ll call