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I stickthat Tildon created in the e of a snake, I stubbornly turn it back to Lucas’s face No one is coet me I don’t want to be a realist I don’t want to pretend like I’et out of here I want to live I want to feel every ounce of pain and happiness life can serve up, because it’ll mean I’ve survived It’ll o and wave it up and down Minutes tick down, second by second, until I can’t ignore the way thehas happened I tug on the lock butback along the metal bottom of the kennel, I pull off ood, actually There’s so in my stomach, too, until it starts to cramp The shirt is pushed out the hole first, and I reach down to grip it, hoping beyond hope that they’ll be able to see the colorin the dark better thanhappens, and no one coer it takes for me to realize it, the worse I feel It’s too dark here Unless the ca I could try to scoot the crate back, get close enough to the stacked crates to try to send theround, but it wouldn’t hts

At this point, the punish and I flip ainst the top of the kennel I can’t ers and desperate hands Still, I lay on , the one that feels like it’s actually on fire, I can’t so ainst what I think are the crate’s hinges--they can break, can’t they? Anything can break if you hit it hard enough Aren’t we all proof of that?

I hear a snap; the reverberation of the hit races upOne more Please, just one ainst the cearound I can’t get a bearing on the ground with o on hands and knees

Ithe loose pieces of concrete dig into my skin The hand out in front ofthe wall for the switch My fingers fumble, slick and clumsy I force ht that floods the room burns tears into my eyes I shield my face and look to the door It would lock from the outside, wouldn’t it? I could try I need to try

But that’s just it Strength seeps out ofand I can’t stop My head isn’t in control of anything below my mouth

"Help!" The word tears out of me I squint up toward the dark blur in the upper corner of the room "Help me! Please!"

I don’t want to die I don’t want to die like this

"Help me! Help--"

It hits me so fast, I barely have time to turnup and out of me In between heaves, I can’t release a breath, let alone another word I’ left, I’ because it hurts, it hurts--

The dark ss me up and spitsI drown before s to gy around e from the dark are disjointed and bold, colors like vivid sunsets

My father’s voice truive unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the ene shall by any s with purple and gold feathers expanding behind hi shadows over pews My mother’s perfect, icy face melts off and falls into her lap Lucas, older Lucas, is above h the branches of a tree When he turns to look down, I see a crown of stars around his dark hair The sparks drift down aroundrain The kids aroundtheir faces down so thein the aisles can’t see It plays in black and white, an old movie my brain has filed away But in the row ahead on the opposite side, there’s a little girl with dark hair I see her in color--green eyes that flash toward unshot, the Orange The blood on the bus s that the rain resignedly washes away That girl walks next tountil we’re dripping on the black-and-white checkered tile inside I hold her hand I re her hand

It’s Ruby I know it is Ruby, who slipped away, Ruby who disappeared Is this what she felt like? All those nights I used to wonder, Where did she go? If there’s a Heaven, will they let any of us in? Where do we go? If there’s no place for us outside the fences, where do we go e die?

The girl crumbles into a pile of ash I try to scoop her up, one--I hear scratching, a metallic whine, and turn toward the other end of the hallhere a pale blue light glows The kids around h the silence